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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

#7666116
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12023) - you deserved it (55107)

On 01/29/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

#7662732
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29258) - you deserved it (1966)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - health - by sixxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

#7662711
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6334) - you deserved it (27146)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - work - by ke (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

#7651599
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29506) - you deserved it (2472)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

#7644326
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8996) - you deserved it (49800)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm - misc - by Lance (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

#7642082
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (3588)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm - kids - by jmitch1209 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

#7641681
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37541) - you deserved it (4669)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:27pm - love - by Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

#7638250
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12643) - you deserved it (35117)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:08am - misc - by tattooooooface - United States

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

#7637016
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8497) - you deserved it (38502)

On 01/28/2010 at 5:24am - misc - by wishihadpockets (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

#7635822
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28742) - you deserved it (2829)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML



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