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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

#7782560
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15541) - you deserved it (26469)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

#7782514
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33946) - you deserved it (5856)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by boner (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

#7775302
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32001) - you deserved it (4691)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by argh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

#7771454
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30203) - you deserved it (3380)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

#7771404
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18846) - you deserved it (2433)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by ocroyalty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

#7768128
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8508) - you deserved it (48998)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:45am - misc - by Sam (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

#7766236
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29920) - you deserved it (8904)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

#7760741
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28643) - you deserved it (3374)

On 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

#7757731
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25312) - you deserved it (3089)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm - misc - by youlyingjerk (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28336) - you deserved it (4448)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

#7753113
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17410) - you deserved it (3256)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8450) - you deserved it (32212)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

#7743505
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7358) - you deserved it (26714)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:42pm - love - by depr3ssed (man) - United States (Texas)



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