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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

#7029804
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29823) - you deserved it (4948)

On 12/30/2009 at 3:23am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

#7028465
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40967) - you deserved it (2384)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:03am - love - by Leslie (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

#7027797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33806) - you deserved it (2371)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by planes - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

#7027247
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10223) - you deserved it (24362)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:08am - work - by bells - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

#7025627
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29165) - you deserved it (2610)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:03am - intimacy - by wheresthelove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17070) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my noise-canceling headphones on and a girl sitting next to me raised her glass at me. I thought she meant "cheers". So I did a "cheers" with her. When I drank my juice, it was only then did I realize that she was trying to tell me the flight attendant had mixed up our drinks. FML

#7024040
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (23162)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by lala456 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37989) - you deserved it (3591)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

#7021786
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8361) - you deserved it (33477)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by mylifeissad (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

#7020543
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24664) - you deserved it (9487)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Rawr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

#7019728
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28281) - you deserved it (2124)

On 12/29/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by kenzieeeee (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

#7016901
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8095) - you deserved it (34525)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by FMLimsomad (man) - United States



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