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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (7602)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

#12077771
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34970) - you deserved it (6665)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by luvlessbootycall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

#12077733
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11602) - you deserved it (36251)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by tstaeger (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (10080)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

#12071239
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38140) - you deserved it (4421)

On 07/23/2010 at 8:06pm - health - by fiery (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

#12069298
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29480) - you deserved it (6034)

On 07/23/2010 at 6:15pm - misc - by bored2death - United States

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

#12061859
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30244) - you deserved it (11422)

On 07/23/2010 at 8:59am - love - by justmyluck25 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

#12059383
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29182) - you deserved it (17536)

On 07/23/2010 at 3:39am - love - by V - United States

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

#12057570
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32134) - you deserved it (5349)

On 07/23/2010 at 1:58am - misc - by Me. - United States (Texas)

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

#12049549
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19713) - you deserved it (30581)

On 07/22/2010 at 7:08pm - love - by jennavankirk - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

#12044097
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13876) - you deserved it (44184)

On 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm - love - by Nic (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

#12042807
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34390) - you deserved it (4669)

On 07/22/2010 at 10:48am - work - by GuardOtto - United States



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