Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58948) - you deserved it (1669)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Jong (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39162) - you deserved it (10459)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59880) - you deserved it (2505)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)
Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (115631) - you deserved it (4219)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40353) - you deserved it (8763)
On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61181) - you deserved it (888)
On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31083) - you deserved it (65756)
On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (462048) - you deserved it (573971)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69839) - you deserved it (6279)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15688) - you deserved it (35281)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52051) - you deserved it (2215)
On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10761) - you deserved it (81292)
On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)
Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62107) - you deserved it (1930)
On 03/09/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by stillwaiting (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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