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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

#4570526
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42394) - you deserved it (4587)

On 08/16/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by 27musiclover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

#4570471
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45142) - you deserved it (7417)

On 08/16/2009 at 10:32am - intimacy - by juliaspaperbags (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59386) - you deserved it (4425)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

#4566458
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48956) - you deserved it (8652)

On 08/16/2009 at 3:05am - health - by irony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

#4563968
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37631) - you deserved it (7750)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by stupidtoothpick2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

#4562910
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (5485)

On 08/16/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by stuff - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

#4562834
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35627) - you deserved it (2676)

On 08/16/2009 at 12:33am - love - by Tgreject (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

#4556856
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44656) - you deserved it (3534)

On 08/15/2009 at 8:49pm - money - by smallpaycheck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

#4555505
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57980) - you deserved it (2773)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43756) - you deserved it (20984)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

#4554817
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51795) - you deserved it (6891)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by hellnooo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

#4550726
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45425) - you deserved it (12522)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

#4550264
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12845) - you deserved it (50147)

On 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by whatgoesaround (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



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