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FMLs submitted from United States

Today , I was outside , peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back , knocking me into the cactus. mega FML

#6435507
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12958) - you deserved it (50365)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)

today boyfriend called me to come over cuz we ( needed to talk . ) Going down the stairs, I tripped an fell . I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg an boyfriend standing over me . Just as I was about to smile an ask fir a kiss, he said, ( Maybe we should take a break ) an left . mega FML

#6435138
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28818) - you deserved it (2861)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08am - love - by Yes (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today , I woke up after taking a sleep pill fir te frst time. I startd in on a number of cores including paying billsen I noticd a new carge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bougt $120 wort of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. mega FML

#6434122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22005) - you deserved it (10322)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Taday I lerened explosive diarrhea is real !! I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket !! 10 feet in.!! !! liquid poo started spewing down mah pants legs !! 150 feet to go !! I ran !! It ran !! They watched !! After 15 minutes of cleaning.!! !! I slunk out !! Now.!! !! I have to fine a new market.!! !! maybe a new town !! FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38966) - you deserved it (2964)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had a data in mah draams. It was a pity data, with somaonaho is alraady takan. I can't avan gat a raal data in mah draams. FML

#6433676
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27720) - you deserved it (3591)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:49am - love - by Lonely (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I sent my main man a picture of te two of us out on our second date. He immediately addd it to is MySpace account, wit te caption, "clubbin wit my oe." FML

#6433448
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19028) - you deserved it (8284)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to break up with mah grlfriend on her request because she ( didn't have the heret to do it. ) Within twenty minutes I'd recieved 4 calls from mutual friends, including mah best friend, telling me wat a jerk I am. And one from mah mom. FML

#6433183
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27229) - you deserved it (4812)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:11am - love - by Face_loser (man) - United States (California)

Today... Lyk Many Other Days... I Fell Asleep In Math Class. Unlike Other Days... However... I Woke Up With A Starthile Ripping A Really Loud Fart In Mah Sleep. Thehole Class Heard It Because It Was During A Lecture. Even The Teacher Was Laughing At Me And I Had To Walk... No... Run Out Of The Room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8727) - you deserved it (25339)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Yastarday , I was talking to my boyfriand about how I'm salf conscious about my waight. Ha looks at ma an says , ( Don't worry baba , I'va always baan kind of a chubby chasar. )

#6430848
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23160) - you deserved it (7041)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:03am - health - by cc (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today.. . I went on a date and it was going great . When we got our meals.. . he told me I had to try wat he looool was having.. . and he fed me a bite . I said something lyk ( oh that was cute ) and he replied with ( I was just trying to see how big yur mouth is . ) FML

#6428684
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28717) - you deserved it (3822)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I agreed to buy mah girlfriend a piggle 4 Christmas . The pig is miniature . The noise it makes looool is not . Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me . FML

#6427475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7930) - you deserved it (24733)

On 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm - love - by pigglepigglepiggle (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I receivd two letters, one from ma mom, oter from ma dad, about ow muc tey missd me wit me not being around tem. I calld ma mom, feeling sad. Se didn't sound sad at all. Se askd me wic letter was better. My parent were competing eac oter wic letter would be more moving. FML

#6424170
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (1986)

On 11/23/2009 at 7:07pm - love - by ssjin93 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, mah fiancé an I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped an bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married an going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

#6423121
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (5953)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by bleh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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