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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

#7036487
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5742) - you deserved it (41688)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by jagerbombs (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

#7036461
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39179) - you deserved it (4437)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by hatelife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

#7035210
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27103) - you deserved it (6501)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

#7034832
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11403) - you deserved it (24296)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:26pm - health - by baybuh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

#7034153
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20510) - you deserved it (12619)

On 12/30/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by dripping sink - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

#7031264
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19882) - you deserved it (2144)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:36am - intimacy - by kte (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

#7029804
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (4948)

On 12/30/2009 at 3:23am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

#7028465
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40967) - you deserved it (2384)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:03am - love - by Leslie (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

#7027797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33806) - you deserved it (2371)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by planes - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

#7027247
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10222) - you deserved it (24362)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:08am - work - by bells - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

#7025627
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29165) - you deserved it (2610)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:03am - intimacy - by wheresthelove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17068) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my noise-canceling headphones on and a girl sitting next to me raised her glass at me. I thought she meant "cheers". So I did a "cheers" with her. When I drank my juice, it was only then did I realize that she was trying to tell me the flight attendant had mixed up our drinks. FML

#7024040
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (23162)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by lala456 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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