FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that the only reason he's attracted to me and asked me to marry him is because I look and act like his favorite anime character. FML

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

by ellebelle / 11/14/2010 at 7:23pm / United States / Money

Today, I was walking back to campus with my boyfriend when we passed an Irish pub called "Fat Belly's." He put his arm around me, patted my stomach, and said "Yay! It's your restaurant!" FML

by freedomofmusic / 11/14/2010 at 1:54pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

by nicki / 11/14/2010 at 12:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 3:46am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

by ugly / 11/14/2010 at 2:39am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

by teach / 11/14/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

by lovemyteacher / 11/14/2010 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous