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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my live-in girlfriend and I broke up. She told me she can't leave because she has nowhere to go. I'm stuck with her until she finds a job and an apartment. FML

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

#12162115
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24297) - you deserved it (2827)

On 07/28/2010 at 7:42am - work - by HM (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, it's my 20th birthday! Happy birthday to me! My boyfriend threw a beer can through my back wind-shield after breaking up with me. FML

#12158230
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37025) - you deserved it (4451)

On 07/28/2010 at 1:48am - love - by Happy 20th! - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

#12150388
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (2532)

On 07/27/2010 at 7:25pm - work - by hurikan68 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

#12149322
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14856) - you deserved it (29052)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm - money - by idgit42 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

#12146210
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34144) - you deserved it (9993)

On 07/27/2010 at 2:44pm - kids - by mr - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

#12144895
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26940) - you deserved it (13115)

On 07/27/2010 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by aero00 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

#12142770
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38514) - you deserved it (3902)

On 07/27/2010 at 9:56am - love - by nu_ravers_101 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

#12141202
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27753) - you deserved it (7748)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:07am - misc - by mauimango7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

#12136195
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13632) - you deserved it (28854)

On 07/27/2010 at 12:38am - work - by uugnfg - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

#12130176
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34776) - you deserved it (5423)

On 07/26/2010 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

#12126725
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30644) - you deserved it (4509)

On 07/26/2010 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by robm (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

#12123688
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28930) - you deserved it (8358)

On 07/26/2010 at 1:09pm - health - by Andiii (woman) - United States (California)



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