FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2011 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 10:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

by drfrogpepper / 01/01/2011 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

by Username / 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

by lonely / 01/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 8:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

by Moving On / 01/01/2011 at 1:59am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 12:19am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

by nyebust / 01/01/2011 at 12:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend talked me into having drunk sex. Right after we started, my head hit a wall, knocking me out. I woke up to him taking pics of my tits. FML

by Samantha / 01/01/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

by Chris / 01/01/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (Texas) / Work