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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29831) - you deserved it (2392)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31499) - you deserved it (8907)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (5795)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5139) - you deserved it (64648)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10127) - you deserved it (24657)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

#7386415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12130) - you deserved it (25643)

On 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm - misc - by VeeDubDisaster (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

#7380973
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34807) - you deserved it (4652)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm - animals - by riptoofie (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

#7380749
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62136) - you deserved it (7093)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

#7380443
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9483) - you deserved it (40694)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by kikinemo (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

#7377706
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32377) - you deserved it (7381)

On 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm - misc - by be_so_slick_56 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

#7376800
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28378) - you deserved it (3829)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

#7375995
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7106) - you deserved it (34677)

On 01/16/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by lollerskate (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML



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