Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

#7397995
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23830) - you deserved it (2024)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by russty (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

#7396048
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (3614)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29830) - you deserved it (2392)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31494) - you deserved it (8907)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23971) - you deserved it (5795)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5138) - you deserved it (64644)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10127) - you deserved it (24657)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

#7386415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12129) - you deserved it (25642)

On 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm - misc - by VeeDubDisaster (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

#7380973
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34804) - you deserved it (4650)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm - animals - by riptoofie (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

#7380749
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62135) - you deserved it (7093)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

#7380443
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9481) - you deserved it (40692)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by kikinemo (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

#7377706
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32375) - you deserved it (7381)

On 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm - misc - by be_so_slick_56 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

#7376800
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28375) - you deserved it (3828)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: