FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

by LD619 / 12/16/2010 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Love

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I went with my sister to her company Christmas party. They had a gift raffle, my number was called and I won $25 for a local restaurant. A few moments later, the manager came over and said, "You don't work here? You can't have that" and took it from me. FML

by unlucky / 12/15/2010 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

by unlovedfatty / 12/15/2010 at 8:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 5:47pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

by captfml / 12/15/2010 at 5:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

by sam / 12/15/2010 at 3:11pm / United States / Work

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

by penisgrabber / 12/15/2010 at 12:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

by blahmylife / 12/15/2010 at 11:16am / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

by mom2010 / 12/15/2010 at 10:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy