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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

#12123688
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28888) - you deserved it (8352)

On 07/26/2010 at 1:09pm - health - by Andiii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

#12114590
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41221) - you deserved it (3088)

On 07/26/2010 at 12:22am - work - by anon - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

#12110057
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33082) - you deserved it (10007)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by cameltoeyourface (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

#12105075
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28464) - you deserved it (15421)

On 07/25/2010 at 3:31pm - misc - by ScienceFail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

#12100553
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38492) - you deserved it (5574)

On 07/25/2010 at 7:09am - intimacy - by girlgirlinsanity (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15047) - you deserved it (123565)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27357) - you deserved it (3425)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend decided he would do his job while I did my "job" on top of him. He whips out his Blackberry and completely ignores me to send e-mails to co-workers reminding them about the 10 a.m. meeting scheduled for the next morning. FML

#12097143
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29203) - you deserved it (5422)

On 07/25/2010 at 1:57am - intimacy - by blackberrybummer (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

#12096842
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40041) - you deserved it (2796)

On 07/25/2010 at 1:45am - animals - by greaaaatt. - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (72748)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

#12082057
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (27851)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:50am - health - by breathexali (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26978) - you deserved it (7601)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

#12077771
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34960) - you deserved it (6664)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by luvlessbootycall (woman) - United States (California)



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