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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

#6110361
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32357) - you deserved it (8805)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

#6108981
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32944) - you deserved it (13508)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Oops (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

#6108468
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7712) - you deserved it (47354)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by terry (man) - United States (California)

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

#6105149
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20022) - you deserved it (4815)

On 11/01/2009 at 5:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

#6103963
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30969) - you deserved it (5903)

On 11/01/2009 at 4:08pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

#6101041
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24407) - you deserved it (2809)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML

#6100945
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35047) - you deserved it (6124)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11956) - you deserved it (45067)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my best friend and I both applied for the same job. I was applying because my family is REALLY tight on cash, and I need the money. He applied because I told him about the job and we thought it would be fun working together. He was hired on the spot. I was denied the job. FML

#6096905
47 comments

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

#6095945
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44697) - you deserved it (4003)

On 11/01/2009 at 1:30am - love - by Loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

#6094317
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28686) - you deserved it (2241)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:35am - intimacy - by Nomoretexting (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

#6094134
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26539) - you deserved it (4495)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by trickortreat (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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