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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

#7925151
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20533) - you deserved it (5017)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by Karie-Rose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

#7925125
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (3289)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:27am - animals - by btg - United States (California)

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

#7923030
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23314) - you deserved it (11095)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:12am - love - by snowman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

#7922927
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26332) - you deserved it (2432)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:09am - love - by Crud (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

#7918887
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21909) - you deserved it (8493)

On 02/05/2010 at 10:19pm - health - by Henry (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

#7913686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (9022)

On 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm - animals - by doggie_doo_face (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

#7908561
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28110) - you deserved it (5062)

On 02/05/2010 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

#7907702
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12174) - you deserved it (36382)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:17pm - love - by topfisherman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

#7905644
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5731) - you deserved it (49931)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by goldenshower (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

#7904015
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26499) - you deserved it (2222)

On 02/05/2010 at 11:29am - intimacy - by donkeyd - United States (Virginia)

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

#7901856
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36360) - you deserved it (8233)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by hisgirl4life (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

#7900233
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10713) - you deserved it (58773)

On 02/05/2010 at 5:35am - love - by hickey (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23678) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)



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