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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

#7163475
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24002) - you deserved it (6221)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:58pm - misc - by SplashOuch (woman) - United States

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

#7163163
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5758) - you deserved it (70567)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:28pm - money - by handi-crap (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a phone call from the local utilities company, telling me in essence: "We regret to inform you that your meter was switched, and we have been billing you for an unoccupied unit for the past 15 months. You owe us $1123.28. We apologize for any inconvenience." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21688) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14085) - you deserved it (30260)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

#7158571
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30352) - you deserved it (3052)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:18am - work - by Himynameisjacob (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

#7158529
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21343) - you deserved it (3461)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

#7156329
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33232) - you deserved it (2857)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

#7154032
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32983) - you deserved it (8746)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm - animals - by poordog (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

#7151625
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23125) - you deserved it (7985)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm - health - by hairybetty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

#7150726
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8846) - you deserved it (18739)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by bandcamp926 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22834) - you deserved it (4161)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#7147521
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27697) - you deserved it (5545)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:07pm - kids - by payne (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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