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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

#4691287
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33019) - you deserved it (5849)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by airplanes-suck (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

#4690268
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27751) - you deserved it (19053)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

#4687327
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59669) - you deserved it (5364)

On 08/20/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by 16isntsweet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

#4685696
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54499) - you deserved it (41273)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by younggrammy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

#4682415
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49931) - you deserved it (3900)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

#4680199
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36877) - you deserved it (17433)

On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

#4679232
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83545) - you deserved it (7267)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

#4678822
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46446) - you deserved it (3506)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by NoseInPain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41782) - you deserved it (2640)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38010) - you deserved it (4792)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18105) - you deserved it (44643)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9385) - you deserved it (91574)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9243) - you deserved it (60085)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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