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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

#7493189
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33941) - you deserved it (4193)

On 01/22/2010 at 2:26am - love - by Rodrigeuz26 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

#7492658
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6217) - you deserved it (36791)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:37am - work - by HotelClerk (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

#7492497
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10075) - you deserved it (31070)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:26am - work - by iluvjenknee (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

#7492476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7890) - you deserved it (36741)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:25am - intimacy - by masterzach21 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (2887)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

#7492284
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8690) - you deserved it (19579)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Toldyouso (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

#7490681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23594) - you deserved it (4930)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Parental (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69670) - you deserved it (4515)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

#7486334
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10030) - you deserved it (25574)

On 01/21/2010 at 9:49pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53218) - you deserved it (4216)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

#7477467
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (3066)

On 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm - kids - by nocatlover (man) - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

#7470144
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34357) - you deserved it (7313)

On 01/21/2010 at 5:47am - love - by uuuuugh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

#7469171
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7517) - you deserved it (43416)

On 01/21/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by im_radd (woman) - United States



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