FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

by stinkerweeder / 02/05/2011 at 3:30pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

by Winchesterlover / 02/05/2011 at 1:41pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

by Screwed in Seattle / 02/05/2011 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

by bob / 02/05/2011 at 7:02am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

by sadman / 02/05/2011 at 2:16am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2011 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

by ohhhjaymo13 / 02/05/2011 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

by Youdontneed2knowmyname / 02/05/2011 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 6:07pm / United States / Love

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all" while emailing her husband and said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML

by smbcolorado / 02/04/2011 at 5:43pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 3:13pm / United States / Work

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

by dancer101 / 02/04/2011 at 10:01am / United States / Kids