FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 6:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

by drew / 12/18/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

by asdfghjkl / 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

by timor / 12/18/2010 at 11:13am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

by pissedexworker / 12/18/2010 at 10:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

by anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:11am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:03am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

by Pouya / 12/18/2010 at 1:03am / United States / Work

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

by lizard / 12/18/2010 at 12:56am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous