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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

#3904309
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70348) - you deserved it (3494)

On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

#3899326
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31720) - you deserved it (10701)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:10am - love - by TheOtherWoman (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

#3899297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33082) - you deserved it (9041)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:07am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

#3897679
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9275) - you deserved it (72987)

On 07/20/2009 at 1:54am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

#3894865
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47152) - you deserved it (2605)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has know for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

#3891505
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44878) - you deserved it (2089)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by whitechocolate (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

#3890479
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40329) - you deserved it (17155)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm - love - by DanceOnTheEdge (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

#3890041
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (199411) - you deserved it (10879)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:06pm - love - by Loveless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

#3889146
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32478) - you deserved it (10501)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML

#3886225
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37917) - you deserved it (5839)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by Tasty (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

#3884165
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11447) - you deserved it (46644)

On 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by nudie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

#3882567
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44187) - you deserved it (4702)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Churizmo - United States



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