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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

#12266634
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43965) - you deserved it (4980)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:55pm - love - by hAHAha Halo (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

#12266156
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19577) - you deserved it (29492)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:23pm - money - by Jay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

#12264713
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37619) - you deserved it (4050)

On 08/02/2010 at 11:37am - love - by ihateumicheal (woman) - United States

Today, I finally finished painting a house that took me 3 weeks to complete at 10 hours a day, including weekends, due to my dedication to perfection. When I went to meet with the homeowner for pay day, which was supposed to be $2000, he gave me $200, 5 tacos and then told me to "get the f*** off my lawn." FML

#12257246
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44553) - you deserved it (5286)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:05am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

#12252976
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9600) - you deserved it (37449)

On 08/01/2010 at 9:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was at work, I heard one of my employees laughing on the phone. I told him to shut up and get back to work. Turns out he was actually crying because his father had just died. FML

#12251529
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10668) - you deserved it (61136)

On 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm - work - by bloodymatzaball - United States

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

#12251275
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31615) - you deserved it (2946)

On 08/01/2010 at 8:20pm - health - by Doodle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

#12248112
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9895) - you deserved it (75601)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by manicmandy - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while tubing down the river, we stopped for lunch. I accidentally left my shoes on the sand when we left. I had to walk two miles through dense woods with no trail and no shoes. FML

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

#12241266
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (12218)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:45am - kids - by kfoehslfns - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

#12239947
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28756) - you deserved it (6680)

On 08/01/2010 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Nuttree (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

#12239634
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32501) - you deserved it (5452)

On 08/01/2010 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Chimychunga (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

#12237713
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15216) - you deserved it (32149)

On 08/01/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by tbeemcgeebee - United States (New York)



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