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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML

#6864986
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (12293)

On 12/21/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by notpregnant (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

#6863631
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27658) - you deserved it (2381)

On 12/21/2009 at 11:15am - love - by Agata (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

#6860527
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9898) - you deserved it (16562)

On 12/21/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

#6859638
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4923) - you deserved it (37333)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:04am - work - by eliteslayer29 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

#6857935
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (2771)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by goblue (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44785) - you deserved it (2433)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

#6856764
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (4280)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. Instead of taking me home like he told me he was going to, he pulled up to the gas station, gave me $6, and asked me to go pay. As soon as I walked inside, he threw my bag out the door, and drove off. FML

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8046) - you deserved it (21113)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9287) - you deserved it (49183)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

#6848159
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30221) - you deserved it (2578)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Lapis (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

#6844162
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22634) - you deserved it (10206)

On 12/20/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by kat, ACT - United States



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