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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

#12304644
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31739) - you deserved it (8621)

On 08/04/2010 at 4:28am - work - by Ploeboi (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

#12304319
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42618) - you deserved it (4023)

On 08/04/2010 at 3:58am - intimacy - by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

#12300042
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54645) - you deserved it (8786)

On 08/04/2010 at 12:20am - love - by Alisha Marie - United States (New York)

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

#12296527
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34845) - you deserved it (3890)

On 08/03/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by jkin47 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

#12296096
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7275) - you deserved it (53207)

On 08/03/2010 at 9:19pm - misc - by bitch (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

#12294723
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12539) - you deserved it (142084)

On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

#12293464
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35266) - you deserved it (7195)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:37pm - misc - by fatty - United States (New York)

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

#12288946
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35753) - you deserved it (3906)

On 08/03/2010 at 2:13pm - misc - by missalexa - United States (California)

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

#12283970
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9234) - you deserved it (53462)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:40am - misc - by MyFaceHurts (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

#12283865
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6638) - you deserved it (37234)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:21am - misc - by Jesse from - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

#12271969
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32626) - you deserved it (4714)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:43pm - love - by Doubleyew1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

#12271784
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14610) - you deserved it (26030)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by toomuchlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

#12271611
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (34819)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:21pm - work - by PCop (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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