FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

by ShaunBomb / 12/11/2010 at 1:11am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

by caligirl921 / 12/11/2010 at 1:00am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

by itsover / 12/11/2010 at 12:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

by pukathlon / 12/10/2010 at 12:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

by RevolutionLove / 12/10/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 8:05am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

by eyeleanify / 12/10/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

by Mak10 / 12/10/2010 at 1:53am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm / United States / Health

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

by katybaby / 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love