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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

#5877463
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49055) - you deserved it (4969)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:32am - misc - by omgwtf (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (2061)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15944) - you deserved it (33177)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

#5875952
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7145) - you deserved it (19879)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

#5872159
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43193) - you deserved it (3327)

On 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm - love - by userrrrr - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

#5869946
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14386) - you deserved it (37158)

On 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by Lovenotes (woman) - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

#5867673
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34222) - you deserved it (2253)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

#5865685
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39098) - you deserved it (7125)

On 10/17/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by AdriBAMF - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

#5865108
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33206) - you deserved it (4839)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

#5865096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8475) - you deserved it (40769)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm - love - by Ohgreat (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

#5863047
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32646) - you deserved it (1983)

On 10/17/2009 at 7:13am - animals - by Ethan (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

#5862404
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28164) - you deserved it (4509)

On 10/17/2009 at 4:20am - work - by PukinFireman (man) - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

#5862276
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (1704)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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