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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my plates on my car were stolen. On the way to the police station to file a police report I was pulled over. They impounded my car for driving without a license plate. FML

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

#5424616
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43447) - you deserved it (4246)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:28am - misc - by MaKaDa - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

#5424504
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35732) - you deserved it (8186)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:10am - love - by Riskreh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

#5423695
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37939) - you deserved it (3948)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:14am - love - by garrett (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

#5423038
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40298) - you deserved it (14043)

On 09/23/2009 at 2:47am - love - by fatty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

#5422462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15145) - you deserved it (29419)

On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

#5421005
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28027) - you deserved it (5672)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30437) - you deserved it (7408)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

#5419647
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37242) - you deserved it (2188)

On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60732) - you deserved it (5285)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

#5413899
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37572) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/22/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by bellaellaella (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

#5413362
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38648) - you deserved it (5433)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

#5412403
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9796) - you deserved it (47553)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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