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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

#5451406
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48501) - you deserved it (4232)

On 09/24/2009 at 6:10pm - work - by ewewew (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML

#5450785
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10585) - you deserved it (40330)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by BOOMerang (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

#5450492
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45838) - you deserved it (4125)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm - money - by shouldagone2work (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

#5449988
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (2042)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Madison43097 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

#5448757
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40877) - you deserved it (3823)

On 09/24/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by NotFunny (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

#5448265
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36616) - you deserved it (2959)

On 09/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by badcook (woman) - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

#5445313
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you deserved it (5855)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

#5444329
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31790) - you deserved it (3464)

On 09/24/2009 at 7:25am - misc - by rubber_duckie177 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

#5443877
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9103) - you deserved it (44884)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - work - by whatproject (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

#5442113
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9244) - you deserved it (38585)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:24am - money - by fme (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

#5441571
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35965) - you deserved it (12304)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

#5441179
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30554) - you deserved it (1938)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Davios (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

#5441103
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12204) - you deserved it (27454)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by loveless (man) - United States (New York)



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