FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML

by Good 2 have friends. / 12/28/2010 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 3:13am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

by sealy / 12/28/2010 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 1:37pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

by ohmy. / 12/27/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 11:28am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

by motherlessbride / 12/27/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

by boreed / 12/27/2010 at 12:37am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

by strwbrry / 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation