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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

#7548356
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30142) - you deserved it (8374)

On 01/24/2010 at 5:24pm - misc - by Blah (man) - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

#7545764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (4761)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

#7545695
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31193) - you deserved it (3210)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

#7544756
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34108) - you deserved it (7193)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:30pm - misc - by kaytiebobaytie (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

#7544484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (4167)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm - health - by LadyLump (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

#7542505
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65924) - you deserved it (6465)

On 01/24/2010 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40881) - you deserved it (3196)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

#7536957
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27352) - you deserved it (2414)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

#7535757
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26574) - you deserved it (4037)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:03am - misc - by unluckymiss (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

#7534728
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33794) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/24/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

#7534159
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26795) - you deserved it (2509)

On 01/24/2010 at 12:01am - love - by pogodrake (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

#7531653
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21674) - you deserved it (8752)

On 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm - love - by lmiller (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

#7529834
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10913) - you deserved it (22563)

On 01/23/2010 at 9:14pm - misc - by ceedee - United States (California)



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