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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

#12448497
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37245) - you deserved it (4408)

On 08/11/2010 at 4:10am - health - by Jayswizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

#12447097
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (3328)

On 08/11/2010 at 2:50am - love - by sadface - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

#12439664
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39660) - you deserved it (3670)

On 08/10/2010 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

#12438687
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30826) - you deserved it (13179)

On 08/10/2010 at 8:14pm - misc - by Zippermania9 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

#12438050
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34627) - you deserved it (3490)

On 08/10/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Brandon (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

#12436669
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32438) - you deserved it (2864)

On 08/10/2010 at 5:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

#12431903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33721) - you deserved it (6685)

On 08/10/2010 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

#12431823
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24791) - you deserved it (3038)

On 08/10/2010 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

#12426851
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32579) - you deserved it (9110)

On 08/10/2010 at 3:22am - intimacy - by kylie - United States (New York)

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

#12425541
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9131) - you deserved it (35450)

On 08/10/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by clu - United States (Illinois)

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

#12424565
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40492) - you deserved it (4223)

On 08/10/2010 at 1:19am - misc - by dammit (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

#12420355
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30127) - you deserved it (11165)

On 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm - health - by fatman - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

#12411757
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (4450)

On 08/09/2010 at 1:44pm - misc - by goodstudent (woman) - United States (California)



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