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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

#12420355
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30110) - you deserved it (11161)

On 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm - health - by fatman - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

#12411757
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42595) - you deserved it (4450)

On 08/09/2010 at 1:44pm - misc - by goodstudent (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

#12411056
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30119) - you deserved it (2512)

On 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Scabs (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

#12408546
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13606) - you deserved it (52501)

On 08/09/2010 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

#12406299
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9077) - you deserved it (31270)

On 08/09/2010 at 4:29am - work - by Fml24609 - United States (New York)

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

#12404191
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36247) - you deserved it (3159)

On 08/09/2010 at 2:18am - intimacy - by SleeplessInSoCal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

#12396014
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36118) - you deserved it (3663)

On 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm - animals - by L.Lime05 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

#12392564
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37060) - you deserved it (6622)

On 08/08/2010 at 3:38pm - love - by pixiegirl (woman) - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

#12390101
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32190) - you deserved it (4302)

On 08/08/2010 at 12:22pm - animals - by Lifes_a_bust (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

#12389070
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31137) - you deserved it (3295)

On 08/08/2010 at 10:52am - work - by XxDanno316xX - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

#12386734
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43837) - you deserved it (3390)

On 08/08/2010 at 4:49am - love - by LadyGagasLOVER (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

#12385494
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31057) - you deserved it (8084)

On 08/08/2010 at 3:14am - misc - by joe (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

#12377816
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30060) - you deserved it (18538)

On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)



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