FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

by Saberwolf / 02/13/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

by Username / 02/13/2011 at 4:06pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

by floggingnasty / 02/13/2011 at 6:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Animals

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

by Average / 02/13/2011 at 2:16am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

by jobless / 02/13/2011 at 12:31am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

by FlatTire / 02/13/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

by cs / 02/12/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

by Username / 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

by Hailey / 02/12/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

by grrrr / 02/12/2011 at 2:00pm / United States / Love

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Health