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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

#5924929
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52047) - you deserved it (3602)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:59am - health - by acneface (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

#5924772
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42717) - you deserved it (3018)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Small_Fry_Hero (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

#5924577
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28773) - you deserved it (1793)

On 10/21/2009 at 1:40am - work - by wrongtarget (man) - United States

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

#5923443
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28288) - you deserved it (1657)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Timebaseboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

#5923040
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20348) - you deserved it (3328)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

#5921737
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (3722)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by badnewsbears (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

#5921538
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7091) - you deserved it (52816)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

#5919547
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37778) - you deserved it (22532)

On 10/20/2009 at 8:44pm - kids - by Raiders4ever (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

#5914745
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12387) - you deserved it (73910)

On 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by jaxattax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

#5914155
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36216) - you deserved it (2299)

On 10/20/2009 at 3:35pm - work - by ShayanFCB (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

#5913009
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10556) - you deserved it (37053)

On 10/20/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Omi (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

#5912025
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6904) - you deserved it (149565)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by stick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my 2 year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful $400 necklace. She bought me a pink $5 shirt of Elton John riding a piano through space. FML

#5911191
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34565) - you deserved it (6578)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by lame (man) - United States (Washington)



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