FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

by expassword / 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 3:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was helping a customer when she asked if we were open on Christmas eve. I wasn't sure, so I asked my manager. My manager looked me over and said, "Yes, we will be open. Thank you for volunteering to come in." FML

by adjk90 / 12/16/2010 at 12:06pm / United States / Work

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

by nukebroadcast / 12/16/2010 at 1:32am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

by LD619 / 12/16/2010 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Love

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I went with my sister to her company Christmas party. They had a gift raffle, my number was called and I won $25 for a local restaurant. A few moments later, the manager came over and said, "You don't work here? You can't have that" and took it from me. FML

by unlucky / 12/15/2010 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

by unlovedfatty / 12/15/2010 at 8:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 5:47pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

by captfml / 12/15/2010 at 5:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Health