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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

#4096653
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37634) - you deserved it (5283)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:47am - health - by crazymirrors (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

#4095449
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40812) - you deserved it (7039)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

#4095368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38488) - you deserved it (2029)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:11am - health - by swaiteATC (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

#4089919
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13568) - you deserved it (39326)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60475) - you deserved it (2781)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

#4083142
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35921) - you deserved it (19235)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by usafprog (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55905) - you deserved it (2357)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

#4080765
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59271) - you deserved it (2481)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

#4079911
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55632) - you deserved it (4177)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by imatool (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

#4079687
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46377) - you deserved it (3336)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by overthehorizon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

#4077228
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8140) - you deserved it (53850)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

#4076767
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33666) - you deserved it (21930)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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