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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

#12487392
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28705) - you deserved it (3360)

On 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

#12485958
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25839) - you deserved it (7907)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:06pm - misc - by Diana (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31949) - you deserved it (36770)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

#12483686
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5720) - you deserved it (54932)

On 08/12/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by fullmoonfml (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

#12481000
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9134) - you deserved it (42654)

On 08/12/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by Jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

#12474079
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47338) - you deserved it (3629)

On 08/12/2010 at 8:02am - intimacy - by ScarredEars - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

#12473698
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15754) - you deserved it (45747)

On 08/12/2010 at 7:00am - misc - by kggggg - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

#12472687
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27515) - you deserved it (4352)

On 08/12/2010 at 5:03am - work - by skyphoenix (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

#12470997
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24126) - you deserved it (46179)

On 08/12/2010 at 2:53am - work - by malos - United States

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

#12467820
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34898) - you deserved it (3002)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

#12467106
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45275) - you deserved it (4339)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

#12463713
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18964) - you deserved it (44569)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

#12463694
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39058) - you deserved it (8188)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm - intimacy - by oumalina (woman) - United States (California)



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