FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 9:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 10:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 10:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 4:50pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 12:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

by sissydlk / 12/02/2010 at 10:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

by e / 12/02/2010 at 4:24am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a v-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year old grandma. FML

by agentile / 12/01/2010 at 8:14pm / United States / Love