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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

#12524793
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29479) - you deserved it (3622)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:10pm - work - by hobosarea-holes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

#12522582
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37979) - you deserved it (19786)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

#12522579
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (8509)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:41pm - love - by irresponsible (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

#12519731
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34055) - you deserved it (3898)

On 08/14/2010 at 1:37pm - love - by Chad - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

#12506969
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10273) - you deserved it (49319)

On 08/13/2010 at 8:56pm - health - by thatsucks4u - United States (California)

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

#12501881
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you deserved it (12980)

On 08/13/2010 at 3:45pm - animals - by Spelit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

#12498978
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43292) - you deserved it (3215)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm - kids - by Bullet - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

#12498801
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39528) - you deserved it (9361)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:14pm - kids - by qtpieo1 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

#12498783
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39578) - you deserved it (5946)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

#12497360
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (49685)

On 08/13/2010 at 10:16am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

#12495310
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (3277)

On 08/13/2010 at 5:11am - love - by starley (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

#12489960
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (7621)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:03am - money - by Relevance - United States



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