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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

#7631314
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15327) - you deserved it (4707)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:00am - intimacy - by nick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

#7624782
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16401) - you deserved it (21965)

On 01/27/2010 at 9:41pm - misc - by spleechick - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

#7621878
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5221) - you deserved it (45890)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:29pm - misc - by Glutton (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

#7614301
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36276) - you deserved it (7314)

On 01/27/2010 at 3:33pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

#7612223
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5405) - you deserved it (35749)

On 01/27/2010 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss screamed at me for almost an hour because, apparently, I hurt my coworker's feelings when I stopped speaking to her after finding out that she was sleeping with my boyfriend. FML

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

#7608615
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (4682)

On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

#7606758
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9473) - you deserved it (23819)

On 01/27/2010 at 2:35am - intimacy - by DuChaillu (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

#7605388
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31522) - you deserved it (3958)

On 01/27/2010 at 1:18am - love - by LivingInSin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24052) - you deserved it (2838)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

#7603599
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38443) - you deserved it (3917)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by evil - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

#7600805
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30108) - you deserved it (3441)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Candace - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

#7600232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (3452)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:14pm - health - by poops - United States



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