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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

#12536265
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41338) - you deserved it (2770)

On 08/15/2010 at 8:52am - love - by wtf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

#12534816
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13834) - you deserved it (32261)

On 08/15/2010 at 4:42am - misc - by Lifeless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

#12533834
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32722) - you deserved it (3478)

On 08/15/2010 at 3:23am - health - by sleeplessinID (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8582) - you deserved it (40255)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

#12530791
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33524) - you deserved it (3903)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:39am - work - by ouch (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

#12528127
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39002) - you deserved it (4075)

On 08/14/2010 at 10:25pm - misc - by carless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

#12524793
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29434) - you deserved it (3620)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:10pm - work - by hobosarea-holes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

#12522582
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37980) - you deserved it (19786)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

#12522579
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34073) - you deserved it (8506)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:41pm - love - by irresponsible (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

#12519731
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34056) - you deserved it (3898)

On 08/14/2010 at 1:37pm - love - by Chad - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

#12506969
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10273) - you deserved it (49318)

On 08/13/2010 at 8:56pm - health - by thatsucks4u - United States (California)

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

#12501881
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23503) - you deserved it (12979)

On 08/13/2010 at 3:45pm - animals - by Spelit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

#12498978
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43291) - you deserved it (3215)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm - kids - by Bullet - United States



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