FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 7:17pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

by Moeswifey / 10/24/2010 at 1:11pm / United States / Love

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

by mzgabbster / 10/24/2010 at 8:21am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:31am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

by badteacher / 10/24/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 12:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 8:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

by ugly me / 10/23/2010 at 8:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

by escortedout / 10/23/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

by level6 / 10/23/2010 at 6:11pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love