Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

#5796915
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31788) - you deserved it (8042)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

#5794322
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30986) - you deserved it (5106)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by shocked (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

#5793907
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25166) - you deserved it (6127)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

#5792064
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29730) - you deserved it (3896)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:38am - work - by Undercover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26956) - you deserved it (3379)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

#5790955
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31659) - you deserved it (3539)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

#5789992
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12052) - you deserved it (50188)

On 10/12/2009 at 1:36am - animals - by bubbles (woman) - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

#5786239
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35938) - you deserved it (3625)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32047) - you deserved it (11194)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19281) - you deserved it (1789)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

#5781865
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25443) - you deserved it (2866)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by washed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39004) - you deserved it (11497)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

#5775880
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43446) - you deserved it (3166)

On 10/11/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by cbarebo (man) - United States (West Virginia)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: