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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

#12665553
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24112) - you deserved it (17539)

On 08/21/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by thyella87 - United States (Texas)

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

#12663979
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45094) - you deserved it (3541)

On 08/21/2010 at 1:25pm - misc - by puppielover - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (15499)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

#12655431
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31961) - you deserved it (2988)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:05am - love - by justmylife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent five minutes waiting by a stop sign. The two cars in front of me were taking a long time to move, so I began beeping and getting angry. Turns out, these cars were parked and I was holding up a line of traffic. FML

#12655399
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7857) - you deserved it (37610)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by becca (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

#12650265
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37740) - you deserved it (4248)

On 08/20/2010 at 7:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

#12649609
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35206) - you deserved it (4270)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:36pm - misc - by superconfused16 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

#12646207
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33973) - you deserved it (3021)

On 08/20/2010 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

#12641347
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24338) - you deserved it (28664)

On 08/20/2010 at 5:51am - intimacy - by pathetic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king sized bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

#12638927
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36904) - you deserved it (5544)

On 08/20/2010 at 2:20am - love - by Fml24609 - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

#12638821
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31001) - you deserved it (3202)

On 08/20/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by home owner - United States (New York)

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

#12638135
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28234) - you deserved it (4467)

On 08/20/2010 at 1:34am - health - by Sam - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

#12636140
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24864) - you deserved it (3696)

On 08/20/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by notyoueallie (woman) - United States (Florida)



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