FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

by Giggity / 02/21/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I started my community service at the dog pound. I like animals so I thought it would be a good place to do it. As I arrived they were throwing dogs that had been euthanized into a dump truck to be taken to a landfill. That was my job for the day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2011 at 10:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

by weezer / 02/21/2011 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

by Jules / 02/21/2011 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

by killmenow / 02/20/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

by Michelle / 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

by Infected / 02/20/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

by bouncekitty / 02/20/2011 at 12:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

by Justme / 02/20/2011 at 7:23am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

by breakinphones / 02/19/2011 at 9:03pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

by anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

by PlayboyBunny / 02/19/2011 at 2:20am / United States (Texas) / Love