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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

#5568321
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37263) - you deserved it (2692)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

#5567038
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50416) - you deserved it (2431)

On 09/30/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Notthemaid (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

#5565061
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14517) - you deserved it (32606)

On 09/30/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by explodingpupppet (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

#5564554
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12598) - you deserved it (36614)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40039) - you deserved it (3302)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23268) - you deserved it (4392)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6155) - you deserved it (27616)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

#5548309
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44192) - you deserved it (6405)

On 09/29/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

#5548014
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10861) - you deserved it (39220)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:40pm - work - by cakekiller (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML

Today, I thought that I had finally sold the car I've been trying to sell for two years. I had the money in my hand and had given over the title. As the "new" owner went to drive it away, the car wouldn't start. I had to give the money back. FML

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

#5544276
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29859) - you deserved it (5657)

On 09/29/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by User06606 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

#5543214
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8778) - you deserved it (65842)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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