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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

#7816615
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49724) - you deserved it (37970)

On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

#7812980
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8401) - you deserved it (23789)

On 02/02/2010 at 12:07pm - misc - by Forgetfull (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

#7811956
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28470) - you deserved it (2443)

On 02/02/2010 at 11:00am - misc - by tony1401 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

#7811688
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31912) - you deserved it (2632)

On 02/02/2010 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

#7810009
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (4567)

On 02/02/2010 at 8:00am - money - by taxed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

#7806645
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29399) - you deserved it (2399)

On 02/02/2010 at 2:34am - love - by BaldingQuick (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

#7805682
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37280) - you deserved it (3006)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:57am - misc - by Zephyric - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

#7804669
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21721) - you deserved it (2044)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:20am - love - by engagedmaybe (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

#7789192
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14476) - you deserved it (36202)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

#7782560
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14241) - you deserved it (24589)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

#7782514
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32606) - you deserved it (5698)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by boner (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

#7775302
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (4558)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by argh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

#7771454
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29296) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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