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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

#8376672
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11487) - you deserved it (33936)

On 02/17/2010 at 3:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

#8375292
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41707) - you deserved it (2363)

On 02/17/2010 at 2:49pm - love - by tj85 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

#8374594
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23503) - you deserved it (3532)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

#8370926
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31071) - you deserved it (5230)

On 02/17/2010 at 10:05am - misc - by juwkgo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

#8369327
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24136) - you deserved it (2872)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:50am - work - by ugamayne - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

#8366302
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32059) - you deserved it (2376)

On 02/17/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

#8366162
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25272) - you deserved it (2452)

On 02/17/2010 at 2:30am - misc - by unfortunate419 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

#8365042
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (2490)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:40am - intimacy - by thatssickkk - United States (California)

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

#8364969
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23277) - you deserved it (3056)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:38am - love - by amireallyloved - United States (California)

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

#8364770
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40676) - you deserved it (4073)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - love - by lynn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

#8361510
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40856) - you deserved it (3471)

On 02/17/2010 at 12:07am - health - by Sophie - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

#8361360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21769) - you deserved it (8549)

On 02/17/2010 at 12:03am - love - by kippis05 - United States (Maryland)

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

#8354648
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32612) - you deserved it (2478)

On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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