Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

#4125709
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33376) - you deserved it (13475)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:53am - misc - by jcesom - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37066) - you deserved it (5861)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

#4122960
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34865) - you deserved it (11012)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Bareassed (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

#4122629
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (17363)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:03am - money - by BigFoot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

#4116964
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44529) - you deserved it (4442)

On 07/28/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by nothungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

#4114414
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9245) - you deserved it (44985)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by flustered - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47345) - you deserved it (7512)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

#4113749
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53397) - you deserved it (2144)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

#4111292
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (22104)

On 07/28/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by porkfriedlife - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

#4105685
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6869) - you deserved it (108214)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by idiot (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

#4105054
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9749) - you deserved it (68851)

On 07/28/2009 at 11:23am - work - by dotcomboy - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

#4100528
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56877) - you deserved it (2585)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:29am - work - by skygoddess (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

#4099565
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42886) - you deserved it (1741)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: