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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

#6792843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30362) - you deserved it (3350)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by gotthewrongman (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13349) - you deserved it (47954)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

#6791781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11613) - you deserved it (30884)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:46am - work - by Interview tragedy - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (2210)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

#6791199
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23105) - you deserved it (5046)

On 12/17/2009 at 9:32am - animals - by gettingacat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML

#6790649
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (2707)

On 12/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

#6789867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8814) - you deserved it (39424)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:58am - animals - by AnRom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

#6788841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21513) - you deserved it (8756)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

#6787921
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28333) - you deserved it (4257)

On 12/17/2009 at 1:09am - animals - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24581) - you deserved it (10726)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

#6783679
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31788) - you deserved it (22904)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

#6783390
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (2653)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by Frauded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41384) - you deserved it (2214)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)



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