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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

#5288568
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (4747)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:37am - misc - by fobfan14 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

#5288482
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34970) - you deserved it (19278)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:21am - misc - by BluesMan1990 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

#5288032
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39233) - you deserved it (11689)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:38am - misc - by omgstfuplz (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

#5286860
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6743) - you deserved it (54006)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by FlipYoC (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

#5286823
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36128) - you deserved it (5778)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:12am - love - by takingthebus (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

#5286391
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35514) - you deserved it (3932)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

#5286193
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (4933)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

#5285675
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10342) - you deserved it (35289)

On 09/16/2009 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

#5283267
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28448) - you deserved it (5985)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

#5280220
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (2097)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:24pm - kids - by Kellye (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

#5279131
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42326) - you deserved it (1972)

On 09/15/2009 at 7:39pm - work - by bonedregardless (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

#5276635
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48923) - you deserved it (4114)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:44pm - love - by Soontobeex (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61588) - you deserved it (3538)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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