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FMLs submitted from United States

TODAY, I WOKE UP AT 7 AM TO TAKE MAH LAST FINAL !! WHEN I GOT TO THE PARKING LOT, I REALIZED MAH CAR WAS MISSING !! AFTER SPEAKING TO THE POLICE 4 3 HOURS, I CALLED MAH GIRLFRIEND TO LET HER KNOW WHAT HAPPENED !! SHE THEN TOLD ME I HAD PARKED ON THE STREET THE NIGHT BEFORE !! SO MUCH 4 THE 8 AM FINAL !! FAT FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6729) - you deserved it (26737)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I really wanted something to drink . I looked in the fridge, an found some of my looool grandma's soy milk . I decide to take a swig, an instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken . Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk an decided to swap it with expired chicken broth . FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8565) - you deserved it (36286)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on ass!! Customers complained to manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job!! FML

#6688829
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (2542)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Melinda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, looool I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound lyk a dog." Romance ruined.

#6687460
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17449) - you deserved it (3853)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her mah umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough 4 a nearby cop to hear. FML

#6686703
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (2435)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by MynameisntToby (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at scool!! Te speaker said, ( Tere are many ways to quit smoking!! You can try patces, gum, or even quitting cold turkey!! Any questions? ) I raisd and, an se calld on me!! I askd, ( How does cold turkey elp? ) And ten I realizd!! mega FML

#6683898
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8624) - you deserved it (36518)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WIT ME FIR BIENG SUPERFICIAL. SE SAID I WAS SUPERFICIAL CUZ I PAID $100 FIR ACNE MEDICATION , CUZ SE ALWAYS COMPLAIND ABOUT OW MUC ACNE I AD. FML

#6682554
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32269) - you deserved it (2368)

On 12/09/2009 at 5:19pm - love - by Superficial (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today... I was looking at my wedding pictures I ad just orderd an I trid to flick someting off one of te pictures... but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly lookd troug all of my pictures an realizd tat I ad a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

#6681986
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32523) - you deserved it (3662)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:06pm - love - by boogerbrain (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Yesterday , I was going into an office building. There was a boy an a man ahead of me , an the boy held the door open 4 me. Surprised , I said "What a nice young man," an he said. "It's ok , ma'am; mah dad says to always hold the doors open 4 old ladies." I'm 43. FML

#6681968
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24386) - you deserved it (5640)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watcing TV wit my mom . Te new Trojan Ecstasy looool condom commercial came on . I sat tere awkwardly wile my mom pulld out er sopping list . I bet you can guess wat se addd . FML

#6680888
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (2025)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by aawkward... (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I received ma camera in te mail. I ad sent it back to te company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading te note tey putted in, it said, "Battery was putted in backwards. No oter problem found." FML

#6680274
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5668) - you deserved it (41671)

On 12/09/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by her0x3her0ine617 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today mah girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her wieght. I told her not to worry because it gives more cushion fir the pushin anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at mah dingleberries. FML

#6679644
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7900) - you deserved it (68336)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm - love - by ouch (man) - United States (California)

TADAY I RECEIVD A PRIVATE MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK, FROM A WOMAN I'VE NEVER HEARD OF, SUBJECT: "ERIC X'S WIFE SAYS HI." SHE GOES ON TO SAY THAT SHE IS GOING TO FIND ME, AND RUIN MY LIFE THE WAY I HAVE RUIND HERS. I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF ERIC X AND AM HAPPILY ENGAGD. FML

#6679301
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30023) - you deserved it (2157)

On 12/09/2009 at 11:31am - love - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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