Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

#7414727
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28860) - you deserved it (6104)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:28am - work - by toolegittoquit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

#7412536
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30811) - you deserved it (2400)

On 01/18/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by Nissan_David (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

#7405426
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9891) - you deserved it (35016)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:57pm - love - by IceMage (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML

#7405101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32716) - you deserved it (2285)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38755) - you deserved it (3641)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

#7400225
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18472) - you deserved it (30323)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by Jac (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

#7399621
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24317) - you deserved it (6705)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by mapleleafs34 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

#7398429
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19688) - you deserved it (5939)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

#7397995
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23804) - you deserved it (2023)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by russty (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

#7396048
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24686) - you deserved it (3613)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29809) - you deserved it (2389)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30898) - you deserved it (8815)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (5793)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: