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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

#7060819
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30327) - you deserved it (4546)

On 12/31/2009 at 4:47pm - love - by Unloving (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

#7059140
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20907) - you deserved it (8610)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39812) - you deserved it (18339)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

#7056556
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35145) - you deserved it (3428)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by lifesux (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

#7052251
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6852) - you deserved it (34540)

On 12/31/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by ParanoidFreak (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8537) - you deserved it (58568)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

#7050852
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34484) - you deserved it (5140)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:01am - love - by 12345678 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

#7050421
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25335) - you deserved it (10144)

On 12/31/2009 at 2:39am - kids - by Missyangel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

#7047511
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28034) - you deserved it (4480)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:23am - love - by Anonymous. - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

#7044957
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10306) - you deserved it (31493)

On 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by Jennyfromdablock (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

#7040883
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10973) - you deserved it (51222)

On 12/30/2009 at 7:03pm - love - by BrutallyBlonde (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

#7039639
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24293) - you deserved it (3866)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:42pm - kids - by doody (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML



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