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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

#8432968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (4770)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by grrrrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

#8430991
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19070) - you deserved it (6921)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (19521)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

#8430182
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6047) - you deserved it (27073)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Skankeriffic (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20598) - you deserved it (4004)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

#8420953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8415) - you deserved it (22805)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:20pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6023) - you deserved it (66703)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29446) - you deserved it (2585)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

#8410028
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33156) - you deserved it (2825)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by fannylover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. I'd asked this girl I'm interested in to come with me, and she insisted that she had to bring her two year old son with us. I'd told her it was no problem. Ten minutes into it, she said we needed to leave because it was too loud for him. FML

#8410012
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24293) - you deserved it (9598)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - love - by tyler - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

#8409963
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21470) - you deserved it (3771)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm - love - by gp28 - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

#8407366
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9113) - you deserved it (42312)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by DLS - United States (Vermont)

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

#8406853
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11588) - you deserved it (36148)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:41pm - work - by prisonbitch - United States



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