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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

#6698211
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14856) - you deserved it (36226)

On 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

#6696608
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13365) - you deserved it (35884)

On 12/10/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by Henji (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

#6695498
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20855) - you deserved it (11726)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm - misc - by NotHauteCouture (woman) - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31103) - you deserved it (2731)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

#6695365
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30828) - you deserved it (7496)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:38pm - money - by muggle68 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

#6694429
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (2520)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by Godi (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

#6693694
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8495) - you deserved it (25196)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

#6692525
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5378) - you deserved it (64615)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

#6692026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31045) - you deserved it (12949)

On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8802) - you deserved it (33287)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

#6690600
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31125) - you deserved it (4322)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:04am - love - by soapysoap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6729) - you deserved it (26737)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8565) - you deserved it (36289)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)



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