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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

#5579419
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23670) - you deserved it (4771)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:10am - intimacy - by betchyo (man) - United States (Massachusetts) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

#5579268
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13393) - you deserved it (41040)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:58am - health - by Garrett (man) - United States (Oregon) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

#5579057
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (4484)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

#5577587
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30081) - you deserved it (2378)

On 10/01/2009 at 12:05am - work - by bm128902 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML

#5573814
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8294) - you deserved it (59541)

On 09/30/2009 at 9:22pm - money - by GetMoney (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

#5573179
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22527) - you deserved it (11704)

On 09/30/2009 at 8:56pm - misc - by QuestionMyLife - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

#5570675
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48398) - you deserved it (2576)

On 09/30/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss' sink. FML

#5570126
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26745) - you deserved it (4236)

On 09/30/2009 at 6:35pm - work - by never_ending_hangover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

#5568321
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37257) - you deserved it (2691)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

#5567038
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50410) - you deserved it (2431)

On 09/30/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Notthemaid (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

#5565061
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14514) - you deserved it (32604)

On 09/30/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by explodingpupppet (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

#5564554
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12596) - you deserved it (36611)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40032) - you deserved it (3302)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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