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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

#7512999
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23583) - you deserved it (2147)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:13am - health - by estallidos (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

#7509871
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8926) - you deserved it (37337)

On 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm - kids - by Chan (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

#7508111
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14347) - you deserved it (24449)

On 01/22/2010 at 9:10pm - misc - by oldschool (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

#7505237
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33785) - you deserved it (5019)

On 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

#7503398
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37409) - you deserved it (3805)

On 01/22/2010 at 5:41pm - love - by ponyboy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

#7502995
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27152) - you deserved it (5225)

On 01/22/2010 at 5:27pm - love - by hoody (man) - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41729) - you deserved it (3537)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States

Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML

#7497473
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9874) - you deserved it (27862)

On 01/22/2010 at 11:28am - misc - by sdfsdf - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

#7493759
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10299) - you deserved it (40556)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:14am - animals - by S.Bunny (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

#7493189
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (4193)

On 01/22/2010 at 2:26am - love - by Rodrigeuz26 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

#7492658
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6207) - you deserved it (36768)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:37am - work - by HotelClerk (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

#7492497
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10070) - you deserved it (31045)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:26am - work - by iluvjenknee (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

#7492476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7884) - you deserved it (36714)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:25am - intimacy - by masterzach21 (man) - United States (Michigan)



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