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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

#12754430
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16761) - you deserved it (23238)

On 08/26/2010 at 11:09am - money - by avalanche719 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15770) - you deserved it (51980)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

#12751809
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35589) - you deserved it (12603)

On 08/26/2010 at 4:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15807) - you deserved it (53958)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

#12748715
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (8809)

On 08/26/2010 at 12:11am - love - by tj - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

#12748631
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (5656)

On 08/26/2010 at 12:08am - love - by devigsgirl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

#12740190
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16637) - you deserved it (67746)

On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

#12738391
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29600) - you deserved it (8773)

On 08/25/2010 at 12:32pm - misc - by counselor - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

#12736614
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10687) - you deserved it (40479)

On 08/25/2010 at 9:10am - misc - by Eyebrowsgone - United States (California)

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

#12726945
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37649) - you deserved it (4904)

On 08/24/2010 at 8:48pm - animals - by vstan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

#12724664
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12801) - you deserved it (34348)

On 08/24/2010 at 6:36pm - love - by iammike (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

#12716551
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37946) - you deserved it (6107)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)



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