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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

#21290736
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32855) - you deserved it (6357)

On 11/02/2014 at 7:11pm - money - by ethawesome1125 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

#21290447
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30796) - you deserved it (9217)

On 11/02/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36345) - you deserved it (9951)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

#21290410
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34675) - you deserved it (4345)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

#21290277
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30343) - you deserved it (4400)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

#21290234
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (2679)

On 11/02/2014 at 1:30am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29162) - you deserved it (6431)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

#21289931
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33669) - you deserved it (2797)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

#21289781
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (2870)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

#21289746
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34630) - you deserved it (4709)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

#21289613
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38985) - you deserved it (6188)

On 11/01/2014 at 10:06am - love - by limegreengiraffe - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33013) - you deserved it (12239)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)



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