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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

#21251355
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31199) - you deserved it (4686)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16751) - you deserved it (31257)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34137) - you deserved it (4517)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

#21251155
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35532) - you deserved it (3240)

On 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm - kids - by unlucky - United States (New York)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43394) - you deserved it (5264)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

#21250852
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33204) - you deserved it (12754)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm - misc - by akieferr - United States

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

#21250817
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35420) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm - health - by soccer8goalie - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

#21250768
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31769) - you deserved it (2144)

On 09/02/2014 at 8:35pm - work - by theoftrescheduled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

#21250632
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35466) - you deserved it (3175)

On 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41430) - you deserved it (7832)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

#21250496
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36035) - you deserved it (3241)

On 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32921) - you deserved it (2779)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, my goat decided my hairstyle was so last season and restyled it for me with his teeth. FML



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