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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33564) - you deserved it (2908)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

#21266059
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30034) - you deserved it (18028)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:23pm - love - by dumass - United States (Ohio)

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

#21265995
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27816) - you deserved it (5512)

On 09/26/2014 at 7:58pm - money - by lgt5628 - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

#21265944
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32035) - you deserved it (6080)

On 09/26/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by 19collegestudentandpregant - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

#21265921
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37140) - you deserved it (3078)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39414) - you deserved it (6260)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

#21265875
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31840) - you deserved it (2452)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34483) - you deserved it (3754)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

#21265851
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35727) - you deserved it (3308)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by ihateguys (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

#21265612
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (3211)

On 09/26/2014 at 2:56am - love - by bri_sci94 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

#21265402
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31015) - you deserved it (2258)

On 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm - misc - by notautistic - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (553) - you deserved it (3996)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

#21265100
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30673) - you deserved it (9293)

On 09/25/2014 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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