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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

#21515791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20894) - you deserved it (3615)

On 01/16/2016 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

#21515773
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (1137)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

#21515762
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14319) - you deserved it (26330)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

#21515729
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22710) - you deserved it (1310)

On 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

#21515709
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21918) - you deserved it (2209)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm - love - by Gamergirl137 - United States (California)

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

#21515701
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21045) - you deserved it (1330)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:09pm - work - by I'm over it - United States

Today, I accidentally broke an expensive glass display shelf at work. My coworker joked, "Ooh, that's gonna come out of your paycheck!" My boss thought that was a great idea. FML

Today, after being in a committed relationship for five years, I just found out that my girlfriend's parents have no idea that we are together. She says she "forgot" to tell them. FML

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

#21515569
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15509) - you deserved it (14704)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (19192)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

#21515551
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23194) - you deserved it (1283)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:25am - love - by Really (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

#21515547
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21500) - you deserved it (1316)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:08am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21318) - you deserved it (1832)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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