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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25263) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (2266)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

#21441535
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (2198)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:28pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (19628)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (2967)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22562) - you deserved it (10786)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26180) - you deserved it (1919)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

#21440806
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22457) - you deserved it (2059)

On 07/13/2015 at 12:39am - animals - by 4am blues - United States (Florida)



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