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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22020) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23887) - you deserved it (19620)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (2967)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22558) - you deserved it (10779)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (1920)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

#21440806
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22458) - you deserved it (2059)

On 07/13/2015 at 12:39am - animals - by 4am blues - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

#21440701
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (2839)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:03pm - love - by newmoongirl1036 - United States (Illinois)

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

#21440556
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23047) - you deserved it (2425)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States (Texas)

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

#21440427
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21820) - you deserved it (4889)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:25am - kids - by brichard22 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

#21440426
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (1990)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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