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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

#21272236
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32572) - you deserved it (3261)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm - misc - by thenewgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39886) - you deserved it (3883)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36345) - you deserved it (7248)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35917) - you deserved it (16039)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42951) - you deserved it (2505)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34506) - you deserved it (4052)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

#21271287
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31590) - you deserved it (4507)

On 10/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by HarleyDavison - United States (Missouri)

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

#21271247
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39313) - you deserved it (2489)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:48pm - health - by Eww - United States (Oregon)

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32135) - you deserved it (4428)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35438) - you deserved it (3018)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42248) - you deserved it (5126)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41171) - you deserved it (8641)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)



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