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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

#20640271
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21249) - you deserved it (27852)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:17am - work - by charishard - United States (Texas)

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42063) - you deserved it (3565)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34507) - you deserved it (4594)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

#20638884
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38583) - you deserved it (2728)

On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57295) - you deserved it (6631)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44211) - you deserved it (5746)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40147) - you deserved it (2488)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53445) - you deserved it (7619)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

#20636996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52537) - you deserved it (5820)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47802) - you deserved it (6432)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34826) - you deserved it (9879)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

#20636739
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36021) - you deserved it (3241)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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