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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

#21516448
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16464) - you deserved it (7156)

On 01/18/2016 at 12:18am - health - by 221bcompanion - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

#21516257
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20546) - you deserved it (3240)

On 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

#21516156
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18457) - you deserved it (9677)

On 01/17/2016 at 5:02am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

#21516140
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20965) - you deserved it (2475)

On 01/17/2016 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

#21516125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24978) - you deserved it (1522)

On 01/17/2016 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

#21516058
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (5052)

On 01/16/2016 at 10:28pm - love - by Roll Tide of Tears - United States

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

#21515791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20921) - you deserved it (3618)

On 01/16/2016 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

#21515773
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21961) - you deserved it (1142)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

#21515762
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14321) - you deserved it (26349)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

#21515729
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22716) - you deserved it (1310)

On 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

#21515709
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22209) - you deserved it (2319)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm - love - by Gamergirl137 - United States (California)

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

#21515701
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21390) - you deserved it (1413)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:09pm - work - by I'm over it - United States



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