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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

#21369637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27630) - you deserved it (4)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12) - you deserved it (2017)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

#21369365
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34866) - you deserved it (2865)

On 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm - kids - by single&alone (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

#21369220
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16129) - you deserved it (41008)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:20am - misc - by Byepax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1) - you deserved it (25)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43170) - you deserved it (19530)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

#21368890
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35104) - you deserved it (2782)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm - love - by Not Homeless - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

#21368886
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35594) - you deserved it (2403)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33215) - you deserved it (6767)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26122) - you deserved it (1)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

#21368771
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24171) - you deserved it (2088)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by Why? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

#21368765
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24852) - you deserved it (2043)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:26pm - work - by phishy (woman) - United States (Texas)



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