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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

#21351356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25083) - you deserved it (10198)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

#21351283
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31328) - you deserved it (2077)

On 02/07/2015 at 12:13am - animals - by juliette (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

#21351174
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40180) - you deserved it (2537)

On 02/06/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by depressedskatergirl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

#21351119
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26647) - you deserved it (4185)

On 02/06/2015 at 7:57pm - misc - by go fuck myself - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32328) - you deserved it (2092)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

#21350938
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (2534)

On 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm - misc - by valarmorgoolies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

#21350906
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31943) - you deserved it (2063)

On 02/06/2015 at 12:32pm - health - by alostr1 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

#21350891
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36728) - you deserved it (2593)

On 02/06/2015 at 11:56am - love - by that guy - United States (California)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33627) - you deserved it (3399)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

#21350431
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (14156)

On 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by gumchuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

#21350418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30979) - you deserved it (7084)

On 02/05/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by m33p - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

#21350250
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26011) - you deserved it (2356)

On 02/05/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

#21350106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39369) - you deserved it (5534)

On 02/05/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by DreamsDontComeTrue - United States (Virginia)



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