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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

#7117360
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6216) - you deserved it (44276)

On 01/03/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

#7115601
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (5827)

On 01/03/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by cutiepatootie (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

#7113361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26011) - you deserved it (3019)

On 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm - kids - by arachnidphobia (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

#7110537
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23986) - you deserved it (5863)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by garfwebba (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

#7108098
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24800) - you deserved it (5977)

On 01/02/2010 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

#7107063
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you deserved it (6369)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm - animals - by Darling_Cherry - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

#7103723
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20990) - you deserved it (3303)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while working my overnight shift, I went into the isolation room to find some items for a former client. The door fell shut and the magnetic lock went to work. Both unit telephones and my cell phone were lying on the desk, and I waited four hours for my supervisor to rescue me. FML

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

#7101732
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25569) - you deserved it (5267)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

#7100685
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19990) - you deserved it (6762)

On 01/02/2010 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Lonely (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was setting up comcast cable boxes for my house. I had the packaging everywhere when I finished. Looking admirably at my job, I backed out my door, and stepped on bubble wrap, scaring myself. I flailed, fell, reached out, grabbing one of the cable wires. I pulled the cable box and my modem off. FML

#7099836
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8287) - you deserved it (18385)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:18am - misc - by cmilla (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

#7099062
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (2539)

On 01/02/2010 at 3:26am - work - by Labelme (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

#7098506
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31294) - you deserved it (4269)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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