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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

#5640699
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36156) - you deserved it (3569)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by KmartFart - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

#5640097
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45212) - you deserved it (8530)

On 10/04/2009 at 11:41am - health - by ew (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

#5638225
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21959) - you deserved it (7108)

On 10/04/2009 at 7:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

#5635869
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35437) - you deserved it (5183)

On 10/04/2009 at 2:13am - love - by helplesslover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

#5635477
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35757) - you deserved it (1944)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:48am - money - by ThatTrafficCone (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4485) - you deserved it (15501)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

#5633791
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32698) - you deserved it (5418)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by wetandpantsless (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

#5631961
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30303) - you deserved it (5855)

On 10/03/2009 at 10:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

#5627700
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35370) - you deserved it (2190)

On 10/03/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by juliasaman - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

#5622961
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (13731)

On 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by diva467 (woman) - United States (New York)



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