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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

#7962696
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26536) - you deserved it (2529)

On 02/07/2010 at 2:21am - misc - by HitbyIce (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

#7962571
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41310) - you deserved it (3759)

On 02/07/2010 at 2:16am - love - by mike (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

#7960442
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8180) - you deserved it (29109)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:12am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24760) - you deserved it (5511)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

#7957934
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33717) - you deserved it (2751)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by nekoneko (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

#7957372
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19512) - you deserved it (4682)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

#7948337
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (4685)

On 02/06/2010 at 8:19pm - work - by Enrique (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

#7946141
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9057) - you deserved it (18779)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Sully (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

#7945898
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (3097)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:09pm - love - by browniepoints (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

#7939467
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26890) - you deserved it (5043)

On 02/06/2010 at 3:01pm - misc - by dinosaurboy (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss' truck. While he was in it. FML

#7939097
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10319) - you deserved it (21323)

On 02/06/2010 at 2:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

#7936537
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43498) - you deserved it (2223)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by Kelso (woman) - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

#7932396
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27654) - you deserved it (13720)

On 02/06/2010 at 10:19am - animals - by sadcat (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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