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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

#5166474
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8398) - you deserved it (49952)

On 09/10/2009 at 10:15am - work - by ritz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

#5166110
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48839) - you deserved it (3104)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:37am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44589) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

#5163581
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35912) - you deserved it (4427)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by tawnaciousd - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

#5163523
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14013) - you deserved it (34264)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:25am - intimacy - by wallflower (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

#5163461
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (4845)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Loveless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

#5163293
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36728) - you deserved it (6208)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

#5157778
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29652) - you deserved it (4511)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

#5154574
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32106) - you deserved it (2356)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:30pm - work - by slashteddy (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

#5154166
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41487) - you deserved it (4378)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by K-9cop (man) - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

#5153713
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (8003)

On 09/09/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by sadchick (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

#5151842
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54521) - you deserved it (4967)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

#5150638
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36984) - you deserved it (4039)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by Missy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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