Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44592) - you deserved it (4781)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

#12767492
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37284) - you deserved it (3652)

On 08/27/2010 at 2:49am - work - by atetoeate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

#12764929
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12974) - you deserved it (35213)

On 08/27/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

#12760646
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15016) - you deserved it (42048)

On 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36952) - you deserved it (3547)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

#12754430
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16755) - you deserved it (23223)

On 08/26/2010 at 11:09am - money - by avalanche719 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15768) - you deserved it (51979)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

#12751809
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35589) - you deserved it (12603)

On 08/26/2010 at 4:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15805) - you deserved it (53957)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

#12748715
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32716) - you deserved it (8809)

On 08/26/2010 at 12:11am - love - by tj - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

#12748631
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30116) - you deserved it (5655)

On 08/26/2010 at 12:08am - love - by devigsgirl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

#12740190
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16637) - you deserved it (67742)

On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

#12738391
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29582) - you deserved it (8769)

On 08/25/2010 at 12:32pm - misc - by counselor - United States (Massachusetts)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: