FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 3:16pm / United States / Health

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 10:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

by serveandprotectyeahright / 11/20/2010 at 9:00am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

by Tasha84 / 11/20/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

by Dammit... / 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 7:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 6:29pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 4:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

by SODbeatlesMCRlp / 11/19/2010 at 11:54am / United States / Health

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

by needfulthing / 11/19/2010 at 10:00am / United States / Love