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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (3234)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

#12782380
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27270) - you deserved it (5944)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by dontworrybehappy (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

#12782161
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28108) - you deserved it (7120)

On 08/28/2010 at 1:49am - intimacy - by JessykaB - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

#12781273
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16300) - you deserved it (40302)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:56am - animals - by Kelli (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

#12781216
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15466) - you deserved it (37505)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:54am - misc - by wearingshorts - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

#12776865
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31767) - you deserved it (8768)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by gleefan116 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44586) - you deserved it (4781)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

#12767492
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37283) - you deserved it (3652)

On 08/27/2010 at 2:49am - work - by atetoeate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

#12764929
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12974) - you deserved it (35212)

On 08/27/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

#12760646
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15015) - you deserved it (42048)

On 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36952) - you deserved it (3547)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

#12754430
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16754) - you deserved it (23223)

On 08/26/2010 at 11:09am - money - by avalanche719 (man) - United States (Iowa)



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