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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

#6579645
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29453) - you deserved it (4061)

On 12/03/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by bdaygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

#6579311
387 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18187) - you deserved it (74865)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:55am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37274) - you deserved it (3455)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I bought $300 worth of climbing equipment because I had lost mine six months ago, I hadn't gone to the climbing gym since I'd lost it. I went today because I was so excited to go climbing again. However, it turns out that I'd left my gear there, and it had been in the Lost and Found for the past six months. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

#6575339
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (8486)

On 12/02/2009 at 10:15pm - love - by wooed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19991) - you deserved it (10982)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

#6573987
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21131) - you deserved it (4308)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:06pm - love - by kay (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

#6572169
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (2987)

On 12/02/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

#6569414
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10950) - you deserved it (32721)

On 12/02/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

#6569085
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30902) - you deserved it (8311)

On 12/02/2009 at 3:20pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML

#6568634
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26043) - you deserved it (6591)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:25pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

#6568411
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (7800)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by randm1 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

#6567661
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9909) - you deserved it (39878)

On 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by Fmyapp (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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