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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58156) - you deserved it (8661)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32746) - you deserved it (5026)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44861) - you deserved it (3493)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

#5076564
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41800) - you deserved it (3558)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by Forgotten (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10831) - you deserved it (32162)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

#5068921
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16756) - you deserved it (45933)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by JustMyLuck (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

#5066785
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38444) - you deserved it (8027)

On 09/05/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70111) - you deserved it (2896)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

#5061381
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41904) - you deserved it (2096)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:16pm - health - by itsjustnotfair (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6722) - you deserved it (45109)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

#5058289
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43311) - you deserved it (9431)

On 09/05/2009 at 10:16am - love - by thisrllysucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25844) - you deserved it (16008)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (43919)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)



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