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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

#12816242
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37980) - you deserved it (6689)

On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

#12815819
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34421) - you deserved it (3937)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:35am - love - by hjufidskndf - United States

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

#12812142
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21802) - you deserved it (6916)

On 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136228) - you deserved it (13133)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

#12809670
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31915) - you deserved it (3648)

On 08/29/2010 at 7:41pm - love - by love_letter (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

#12807710
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30910) - you deserved it (3343)

On 08/29/2010 at 4:37pm - work - by xharuki - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

#12807084
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33606) - you deserved it (7717)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:45pm - love - by CreepedOut (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

#12805582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29632) - you deserved it (4384)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:51pm - misc - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

#12804973
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29678) - you deserved it (3747)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:58pm - love - by ForgottenAgain (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

#12803986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34821) - you deserved it (7219)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

#12803211
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33044) - you deserved it (7450)

On 08/29/2010 at 10:14am - love - by ILoveFML - United States (New York)

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

#12802001
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34496) - you deserved it (2443)

On 08/29/2010 at 7:29am - animals - by katta2009 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

#12797931
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19982) - you deserved it (30666)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:02am - health - by yggiz (woman) - United States (Florida)



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