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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

#7523992
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25452) - you deserved it (7303)

On 01/23/2010 at 4:44pm - health - by fatty (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

#7521892
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10729) - you deserved it (34058)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm - health - by notaguidette (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

#7521211
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3971) - you deserved it (52083)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rainydays79 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

#7520027
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20495) - you deserved it (2371)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:53pm - misc - by Moondoggie_ggk69 (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

#7518203
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33304) - you deserved it (3106)

On 01/23/2010 at 10:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

#7516838
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7924) - you deserved it (29894)

On 01/23/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by fisherman - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

#7515979
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8663) - you deserved it (24239)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - intimacy - by BlackPolarbear - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

#7515977
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24108) - you deserved it (3909)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

#7514785
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13651) - you deserved it (40084)

On 01/23/2010 at 1:34am - love - by Brit (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

#7512999
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23580) - you deserved it (2147)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:13am - health - by estallidos (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

#7509871
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8924) - you deserved it (37337)

On 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm - kids - by Chan (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

#7508111
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14347) - you deserved it (24446)

On 01/22/2010 at 9:10pm - misc - by oldschool (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

#7505237
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33781) - you deserved it (5019)

On 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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