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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

#8557043
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31257) - you deserved it (2831)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:13pm - misc - by condiments - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13961) - you deserved it (22105)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

#8554799
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31419) - you deserved it (2251)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

#8551677
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30742) - you deserved it (3041)

On 02/22/2010 at 11:38am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

#8547609
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29358) - you deserved it (2812)

On 02/22/2010 at 6:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

#8546580
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31641) - you deserved it (2428)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:28am - misc - by holycow (man) - United States (California)

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

#8544581
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9452) - you deserved it (23255)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:23am - intimacy - by depressed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

#8542819
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21413) - you deserved it (5578)

On 02/22/2010 at 1:31am - love - by nomoresbfun (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

#8541185
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23888) - you deserved it (2850)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:44am - health - by Username - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25011) - you deserved it (3535)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

#8539206
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30015) - you deserved it (2535)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by sandiego - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

#8532673
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7291) - you deserved it (26560)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm - animals - by Rafiki (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

#8529668
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26625) - you deserved it (3290)

On 02/21/2010 at 9:12pm - love - by Court - United States (Ohio)



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