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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

#4320217
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15256) - you deserved it (35085)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

#4318631
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37425) - you deserved it (3441)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm - work - by caiti (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML

#4317825
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69208) - you deserved it (2530)

On 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

#4310988
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33701) - you deserved it (5381)

On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

#4309429
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41993) - you deserved it (2508)

On 08/05/2009 at 2:17pm - love - by kelizabeth (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

#4306015
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38309) - you deserved it (7137)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by towelwindow (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

#4305194
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7027) - you deserved it (74619)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

#4304989
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49993) - you deserved it (8162)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by some_girl_19 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

#4299529
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12879) - you deserved it (31853)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17891) - you deserved it (37998)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

#4299271
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11630) - you deserved it (50503)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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