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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

#5058289
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43276) - you deserved it (9424)

On 09/05/2009 at 10:16am - love - by thisrllysucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25840) - you deserved it (16005)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (43913)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

#5054885
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23496) - you deserved it (5266)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by LaurahLunatic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

#5054871
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38486) - you deserved it (5123)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:30am - love - by prin (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

#5053287
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43566) - you deserved it (3012)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by HotCurry (man) - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

#5052603
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9079) - you deserved it (68512)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:23am - love - by tryfailtryget11 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

#5052267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7407) - you deserved it (38667)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:06am - animals - by spideypowers (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14795) - you deserved it (44383)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

#5050419
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20853) - you deserved it (4729)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

#5044657
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7320) - you deserved it (59041)

On 09/04/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by babydoll13211 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

#5043249
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38837) - you deserved it (2883)

On 09/04/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by badhairday (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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