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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

#12944267
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9885) - you deserved it (26251)

On 09/07/2010 at 1:53am - health - by slingshot - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

#12943582
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18304) - you deserved it (24129)

On 09/07/2010 at 1:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

#12940949
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33628) - you deserved it (6384)

On 09/06/2010 at 10:26pm - love - by Today - United States

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31903) - you deserved it (5789)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

#12935900
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29637) - you deserved it (15758)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by BrokebyKids - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

#12934228
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

#12933577
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11321) - you deserved it (37098)

On 09/06/2010 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by jackson (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

#12930514
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36448) - you deserved it (16424)

On 09/06/2010 at 6:45am - misc - by Myself - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

#12929615
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37442) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:35am - love - by mlove (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

#12929120
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41807) - you deserved it (19403)

On 09/06/2010 at 3:37am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

#12926482
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30495) - you deserved it (3989)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36746) - you deserved it (3525)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

#12922106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31820) - you deserved it (7516)

On 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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