FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 1:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 1:02am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

by lebowski / 11/27/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

by lovedbyallthewrongppl / 11/27/2010 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 9:48am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

by Flaps / 11/27/2010 at 7:36am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

by loving grandaughter / 11/27/2010 at 6:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

by >{%£•¥ / 11/27/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

by smiles22 / 11/27/2010 at 1:38am / United States / Love

 Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 1:27am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

by nanuka_g / 11/27/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids