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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

#6764357
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24104) - you deserved it (3565)

On 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm - work - by psychworker - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

#6763164
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (29300)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

#6762994
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26012) - you deserved it (4225)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:49am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

#6762044
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25462) - you deserved it (1830)

On 12/15/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Talvesh (man) - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

#6761317
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24314) - you deserved it (2802)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by number2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

#6761205
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17015) - you deserved it (27612)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

#6761067
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20641) - you deserved it (6130)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

#6760578
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (2659)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Scat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

#6760576
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24267) - you deserved it (4642)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Will (man) - United States

Today, after months of constant encouragement from my friends, I went and entered a singing contest. I sang and was booed off stage. Later on I found out my friends lied to me about my ability to sing, just so I could give them a cheap laugh. FML

#6759322
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (6024)

On 12/15/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Dean (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

#6758302
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (5487)

On 12/14/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

#6753816
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23354) - you deserved it (6057)

On 12/14/2009 at 7:00pm - misc - by fire - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

#6753896
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11363) - you deserved it (34598)

On 12/14/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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