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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

#5732047
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29703) - you deserved it (6064)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by StellaSanguina (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

#5731008
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36135) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Augh. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

#5730888
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38577) - you deserved it (3346)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by branwen5 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

#5721676
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74911) - you deserved it (5492)

On 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

#5721325
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38011) - you deserved it (3927)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm - love - by Rage (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9707) - you deserved it (30249)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7760) - you deserved it (18645)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

#5719271
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9044) - you deserved it (46122)

On 10/08/2009 at 8:22am - misc - by lumacsp - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (3285)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16985) - you deserved it (3372)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

#5716495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12583) - you deserved it (36788)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:14am - kids - by stupidsantaclaus (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

#5716405
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31767) - you deserved it (7713)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by belle_arina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

#5715718
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27368) - you deserved it (7259)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:30am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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