FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

by Username / 12/01/2010 at 2:04pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 3:35am / United States (Colorado) / Geek

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

by anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 3:30am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I got a call from my grandmother. Turns out my father found out about my elopement with my husband through my stepmother, because someone she works with told her. We were planning on it being a surprise, and telling people on Christmas. My father won't even talk to me now. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 3:08am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

by oopsididitagain / 11/30/2010 at 1:49pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML

by crushed / 11/30/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 10:23am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:08am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:06am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 10:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

by nybaby / 11/29/2010 at 4:17pm / United States (New York) / Kids