FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

by Goatbeard / 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

by Ugh / 02/15/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 9:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

by howler / 02/15/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 12:50am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

by moe / 02/14/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

by bleu_noir / 02/14/2011 at 4:34pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

by surfergal91 / 02/14/2011 at 3:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

by sexyredhead / 02/14/2011 at 1:14pm / United States / Love

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

by anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 8:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

by datingamoron / 02/14/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

by TheKingDavis / 02/14/2011 at 2:11am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous