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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

#12968691
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8347) - you deserved it (29622)

On 09/08/2010 at 9:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

#12967216
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16030) - you deserved it (38491)

On 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by WTF?!?! - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

#12966386
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28279) - you deserved it (9471)

On 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by undoable - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

#12964178
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46542) - you deserved it (3998)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm - love - by onthemarket (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64281) - you deserved it (3408)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

#12959841
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you deserved it (3321)

On 09/08/2010 at 4:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

#12959324
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23105) - you deserved it (32614)

On 09/08/2010 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dom - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

#12957877
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33914) - you deserved it (2373)

On 09/08/2010 at 12:42am - misc - by bustedfornuthin - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

#12957316
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (3142)

On 09/08/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by arose - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

#12955617
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39947) - you deserved it (3204)

On 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

#12953653
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27728) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm - misc - by dumbdad - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

#12949707
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35662) - you deserved it (3527)

On 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

#12948650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (5105)

On 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm - love - by drew - United States (Georgia)



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