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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7184) - you deserved it (107802)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

#6046125
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27124) - you deserved it (3859)

On 10/28/2009 at 9:09pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

#6042161
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9019) - you deserved it (83101)

On 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

#6041227
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34265) - you deserved it (2771)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:19pm - work - by uglyyyyy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

#6040415
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7271) - you deserved it (31350)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

#6040297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (2455)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Gw (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

#6040097
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10849) - you deserved it (79825)

On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

#6039295
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28548) - you deserved it (8421)

On 10/28/2009 at 1:07pm - love - by thatguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

#6038699
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29216) - you deserved it (6256)

On 10/28/2009 at 11:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

#6037423
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (3060)

On 10/28/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Slayeddd (woman) - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33336) - you deserved it (7117)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

#6035910
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (6140)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

#6034083
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26257) - you deserved it (2665)

On 10/28/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by bubblensuds1 - United States (Indiana)



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