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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

#7276638
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23812) - you deserved it (9964)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:28am - work - by bs_happens (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML

#7275776
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24058) - you deserved it (3177)

On 01/11/2010 at 8:43am - misc - by wrecked (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

#7275628
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36431) - you deserved it (5259)

On 01/11/2010 at 8:25am - love - by krisx3ftw (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

#7273590
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (9804)

On 01/11/2010 at 3:09am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend asked for me to come to her. Then move my head in close to her and close my eyes. Expecting a sweet and romantic kiss I positioned my lips for my surprise. My surprise wasn't a kiss, instead it was a nice crunchy booger she placed in my mouth with her finger. FML

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

#7273042
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32366) - you deserved it (3929)

On 01/11/2010 at 2:20am - money - by Pauper (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

#7270960
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32645) - you deserved it (2939)

On 01/11/2010 at 12:19am - health - by Gentleman (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

#7268180
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5235) - you deserved it (20996)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Drewzter (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

#7264134
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33297) - you deserved it (9797)

On 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by coinoperatedgirl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

#7263265
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17572) - you deserved it (2047)

On 01/10/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by CD (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

#7263195
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5842) - you deserved it (39124)

On 01/10/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Lady (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

#7261077
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36196) - you deserved it (4407)

On 01/10/2010 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

#7261053
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35742) - you deserved it (2796)

On 01/10/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by daragnan (man) - United States



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