FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML

by shakyhands / 03/21/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

by lonely / 03/21/2011 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to clock in at work, only to have the clock tell me I "wasn't scheduled", so I asked my boss what was going on. Turns out I was fired, and this was her way of avoiding conflict. FML

by anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 3:01pm / United States / Work

Today, I am taking a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

by radiationkillz / 03/21/2011 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

by krissy / 03/20/2011 at 5:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

by HotAsTits / 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

by mugged / 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

by WhyMe / 03/20/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

by crutchy / 03/20/2011 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Utah) / Love