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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

#6222212
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25992) - you deserved it (4691)

On 11/09/2009 at 12:05am - love - by alltern8ive (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

#6221644
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25749) - you deserved it (2787)

On 11/08/2009 at 11:37pm - kids - by itsjustmyluck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

#6221127
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2484)

On 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

#6217928
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (2188)

On 11/08/2009 at 8:27pm - love - by toughlove (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

#6217661
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8784) - you deserved it (43863)

On 11/08/2009 at 8:08pm - kids - by Dan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

#6217069
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (3909)

On 11/08/2009 at 7:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

#6211757
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19082) - you deserved it (2887)

On 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by peacexout108 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

#6211004
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (7251)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

#6210144
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74023) - you deserved it (5833)

On 11/08/2009 at 10:39am - love - by homewrecker - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

#6209911
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6564) - you deserved it (45620)

On 11/08/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Cakeman (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

#6209512
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29364) - you deserved it (2356)

On 11/08/2009 at 8:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the movies with the guy I have been in love with for a long time. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand throughout the movie. Afterwards he asked me for advice on the girl he likes. Apparently she isn't talking to him anymore. FML

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30669) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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