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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

#5827386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31582) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/14/2009 at 11:19am - love - by DumpedHisAss (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

#5827048
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26501) - you deserved it (6894)

On 10/14/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by thelandofoz - United States (Florida)

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

#5826781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (8463)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

#5826469
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37891) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:00am - health - by tooflufoschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25687) - you deserved it (3866)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

#5825790
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7527) - you deserved it (29394)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by fmypaint (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

#5824297
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29905) - you deserved it (1964)

On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

#5821457
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (1775)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by stepknee (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

#5820033
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8281) - you deserved it (39552)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

#5815195
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26455) - you deserved it (1984)

On 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. My spare keys are 45 minutes away in my dorm room. My dorm room keys are attached to my car keys locked in my car. Security said they would let me in as long as I had my school ID. It's on my keychain. FML

#5815091
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25956) - you deserved it (6846)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

#5815085
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31284) - you deserved it (3374)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:52am - love - by dudezilla (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

#5814625
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (3512)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:04am - money - by latepayer (man) - United States (Michigan)



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