FMLs submitted from United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

by Shodan2112 / 02/18/2011 at 10:25am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

by ihavenothing / 02/18/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML

by needofmoney / 02/17/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

by peeved / 02/17/2011 at 8:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

by fmylife117 / 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

by CandyMachine / 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

by fail / 02/16/2011 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the bus. I heard a click right before something small hit my cheek. I looked over to see the lady next to me cutting her long, dirty fingernails. The bus was too crowded to move and It was a 20 minute ride to work. FML

by clips / 02/16/2011 at 4:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

by Magilla / 02/16/2011 at 1:53pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

by Lovenem / 02/16/2011 at 12:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML

by oheyimsarahh / 02/16/2011 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

by Tori / 02/16/2011 at 2:40am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health