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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (2398)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

#8410028
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32742) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by fannylover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. I'd asked this girl I'm interested in to come with me, and she insisted that she had to bring her two year old son with us. I'd told her it was no problem. Ten minutes into it, she said we needed to leave because it was too loud for him. FML

#8410012
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22883) - you deserved it (9321)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - love - by tyler - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

#8409963
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20593) - you deserved it (3668)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm - love - by gp28 - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

#8407366
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8974) - you deserved it (42015)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by DLS - United States (Vermont)

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

#8406853
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11078) - you deserved it (35250)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:41pm - work - by prisonbitch - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

#8402650
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35342) - you deserved it (2698)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:20am - love - by merse - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after 25 years of marriage and 2 children, I was served with divorce papers. It turns out my 51 year old, soon to be ex, has been having an affair with the 24 year old tutor I hired to help our daughter bring her grades up. They are in love and want to start a new family together as soon as possible. FML

#8400921
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41598) - you deserved it (2546)

On 02/18/2010 at 4:51am - love - by brokenhearted (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

#8400903
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (2512)

On 02/18/2010 at 4:48am - misc - by Oze (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

#8400274
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27650) - you deserved it (3033)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:58am - love - by Dumped (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

#8397954
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27609) - you deserved it (3146)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Lizzielollipop816 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

#8396917
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28731) - you deserved it (1868)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:06am - misc - by ApparentlyEmo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

#8395812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26779) - you deserved it (3611)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:31am - work - by buttcrack (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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