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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

#13111932
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32567) - you deserved it (4066)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

#13111931
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (3613)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:11am - misc - by lifesuck - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

#13108998
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22766) - you deserved it (13779)

On 09/19/2010 at 2:21am - animals - by jillydark6609 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

#13108461
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23374) - you deserved it (6792)

On 09/19/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

#13105771
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25840) - you deserved it (4100)

On 09/18/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by Gabby125 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

#13104906
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8888) - you deserved it (34465)

On 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

#13103525
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31562) - you deserved it (8753)

On 09/18/2010 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

#13097253
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32474) - you deserved it (2158)

On 09/18/2010 at 10:27am - money - by streeted - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

#13094765
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (2782)

On 09/18/2010 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

#13094289
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30379) - you deserved it (3212)

On 09/18/2010 at 1:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

#13093344
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (3163)

On 09/18/2010 at 12:21am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

#13091874
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22882) - you deserved it (9190)

On 09/17/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by muffins69 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

#13090304
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25759) - you deserved it (3046)

On 09/17/2010 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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