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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML

#7405101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (2281)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38711) - you deserved it (3640)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

#7400225
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (29116)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by Jac (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

#7399621
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24284) - you deserved it (6700)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by mapleleafs34 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

#7398429
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19666) - you deserved it (5938)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

#7397995
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23770) - you deserved it (2022)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by russty (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

#7396048
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24661) - you deserved it (3610)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29784) - you deserved it (2387)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (8811)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21575) - you deserved it (5467)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5128) - you deserved it (64579)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10101) - you deserved it (24627)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

#7386415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12095) - you deserved it (25616)

On 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm - misc - by VeeDubDisaster (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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