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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

#6274583
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (3945)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

#6273079
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39153) - you deserved it (2779)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:39pm - love - by LonelyMonkey (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38745) - you deserved it (4025)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25013) - you deserved it (2809)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

#6268851
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32767) - you deserved it (5392)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

#6268793
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (3500)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

#6268491
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24225) - you deserved it (8880)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML

#6267863
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32856) - you deserved it (2325)

On 11/12/2009 at 12:36am - love - by youmakemesick - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

#6265559
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30041) - you deserved it (4413)

On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

#6264237
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7088) - you deserved it (36802)

On 11/11/2009 at 8:54pm - work - by julie (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

#6262427
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9843) - you deserved it (34277)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

#6260496
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30340) - you deserved it (10136)

On 11/11/2009 at 5:10pm - love - by kiwi (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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