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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

#6122684
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16916) - you deserved it (37464)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by Rman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

#6122066
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8430) - you deserved it (28413)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by konichiwa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

#6120985
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40444) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by problemchild (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

#6120189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47284) - you deserved it (3032)

On 11/02/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by baldygirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

#6118877
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22413) - you deserved it (4663)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by feelthelove - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25056) - you deserved it (2486)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

#6118642
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8344) - you deserved it (34614)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28068) - you deserved it (2806)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

#6117794
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42469) - you deserved it (3255)

On 11/02/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by notsohappyniece (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (4474)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

#6116013
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42197) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/02/2009 at 6:05am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

#6115466
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (1932)

On 11/02/2009 at 4:03am - work - by fmyjob (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

#6114528
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (2444)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:47am - health - by theRoomie (man) - United States (California)



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