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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

#6285234
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24933) - you deserved it (5905)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (6402)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

#6283712
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21420) - you deserved it (1883)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by butch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

#6283457
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33333) - you deserved it (1857)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by mynameis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41763) - you deserved it (2569)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

#6281731
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31054) - you deserved it (8474)

On 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm - kids - by snapped (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

#6280011
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34601) - you deserved it (1975)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:43pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

#6278977
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (2991)

On 11/12/2009 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (7986)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

#6274623
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31282) - you deserved it (2102)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:40pm - work - by JBK06262009 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

#6274583
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (3945)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

#6273079
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39151) - you deserved it (2779)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:39pm - love - by LonelyMonkey (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38745) - you deserved it (4025)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)



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