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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

#6933865
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31360) - you deserved it (2190)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:25am - misc - by sucks_brah (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

#6933705
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23195) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

#6933650
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28627) - you deserved it (2721)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:04am - love - by HeSucks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

#6933189
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25843) - you deserved it (4649)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by hahasuckit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

#6933168
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29170) - you deserved it (10499)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23218) - you deserved it (2950)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

#6931978
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23999) - you deserved it (4802)

On 12/25/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by iFail (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

#6931953
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27721) - you deserved it (2455)

On 12/25/2009 at 12:16am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

#6930680
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24320) - you deserved it (6045)

On 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by RoxMySox - United States (Texas)

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

#6927698
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6625) - you deserved it (72448)

On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

#6927228
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26218) - you deserved it (2221)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by blkchkrm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

#6927216
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5750) - you deserved it (47041)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Sean (man) - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

#6926998
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43279) - you deserved it (2992)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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