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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

#8828114
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20393) - you deserved it (8275)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:00pm - love - by ugh - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

#8824498
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (15013)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:01pm - kids - by disguested (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

#8824480
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23314) - you deserved it (3214)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

#8824133
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21363) - you deserved it (8574)

On 03/04/2010 at 2:41pm - misc - by dpod121 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

#8821558
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30200) - you deserved it (5122)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51am - love - by Sam - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

#8821519
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26524) - you deserved it (6194)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:48am - intimacy - by lalararara - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

#8818835
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10328) - you deserved it (18452)

On 03/04/2010 at 5:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

#8817091
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24114) - you deserved it (7452)

On 03/04/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by fml1977 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

#8815037
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25541) - you deserved it (8098)

On 03/04/2010 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

#8814971
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15735) - you deserved it (11365)

On 03/04/2010 at 12:03am - misc - by J-Ro - United States

Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML

#8811834
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11880) - you deserved it (23726)

On 03/03/2010 at 10:19pm - misc - by Titi14 - United States (New York)

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

#8807543
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (2274)

On 03/03/2010 at 8:26pm - love - by WhiteLiar (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8650) - you deserved it (26761)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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