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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

#8085634
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18763) - you deserved it (5946)

On 02/10/2010 at 10:08am - intimacy - by ryan - United States

Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

#8082949
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19580) - you deserved it (2012)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML

#8081301
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32579) - you deserved it (4014)

On 02/10/2010 at 4:08am - misc - by ... - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

#8080103
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25338) - you deserved it (7777)

On 02/10/2010 at 2:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

#8079585
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33508) - you deserved it (5186)

On 02/10/2010 at 2:29am - love - by LoveStruck- - United States

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML

#8078249
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5102) - you deserved it (53758)

On 02/10/2010 at 1:39am - animals - by AUDONEE (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

#8074818
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (5393)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by evecamp - United States (California)

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

#8069688
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32065) - you deserved it (3417)

On 02/09/2010 at 10:32pm - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

#8067680
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9278) - you deserved it (37586)

On 02/09/2010 at 9:52pm - love - by caughttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

#8063037
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7966) - you deserved it (22943)

On 02/09/2010 at 8:16pm - health - by conchita (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

#8062082
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8328) - you deserved it (15409)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

#8052181
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8606) - you deserved it (33148)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by fbcaught (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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