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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

#13145011
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54758) - you deserved it (3834)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

#13138405
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23343) - you deserved it (9208)

On 09/21/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by yourmom - United States (Georgia)

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8776) - you deserved it (78018)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

#13135872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27638) - you deserved it (2998)

On 09/20/2010 at 11:02pm - misc - by kdgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

#13130715
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30450) - you deserved it (3092)

On 09/20/2010 at 6:11pm - misc - by Uriyahu (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

#13129116
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28171) - you deserved it (2890)

On 09/20/2010 at 3:26pm - animals - by thanksbro - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

#13126825
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52215) - you deserved it (22044)

On 09/20/2010 at 10:33am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

#13124978
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12915) - you deserved it (39019)

On 09/20/2010 at 4:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

#13124550
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36360) - you deserved it (3291)

On 09/20/2010 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Thomas - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

#13123963
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25073) - you deserved it (2958)

On 09/20/2010 at 2:13am - work - by sandra - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

#13122832
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (2545)

On 09/20/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by northernlass (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26418) - you deserved it (2750)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

#13118537
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16537) - you deserved it (43401)

On 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by whitefox123 - United States (Pennsylvania)



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