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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

#13217380
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17236) - you deserved it (32605)

On 09/27/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by youaresodumb - United States (Alabama)

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

#13213311
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you deserved it (3934)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by amorousintx - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

#13213227
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34895) - you deserved it (2874)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

#13212563
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (6343)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by lyssuhhhh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

#13205428
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30581) - you deserved it (5415)

On 09/26/2010 at 3:20am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

#13204621
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26438) - you deserved it (3288)

On 09/26/2010 at 1:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

#13204000
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35808) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/26/2010 at 12:59am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

#13202314
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (2799)

On 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I made exactly 400 flashcards of my vocab that I had to memorize. It took me over 3 hours to make them and hours to remember them. Proud of myself, I showed them to my friends. Then my friends notified me I had memorized the wrong section. FML

#13199866
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16908) - you deserved it (24647)

On 09/25/2010 at 8:15pm - misc - by educatttiiioonnn (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37004) - you deserved it (4151)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

#13188457
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28392) - you deserved it (2678)

On 09/24/2010 at 10:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

#13187937
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40871) - you deserved it (4756)

On 09/24/2010 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

#13187772
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23808) - you deserved it (3545)

On 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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