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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

#8914143
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7592) - you deserved it (48448)

On 03/08/2010 at 4:37am - misc - by dream_girl_3 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

#8911500
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (3794)

On 03/08/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by raidered - United States (California)

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

#8910408
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34069) - you deserved it (2384)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by itsEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

#8905388
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26403) - you deserved it (2204)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm - misc - by leenibeani4 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9898) - you deserved it (35507)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22024) - you deserved it (2387)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

#8899793
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (2724)

On 03/07/2010 at 7:16pm - health - by space_cadet90818 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

#8893586
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27418) - you deserved it (2359)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:20pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my looks alone made a girl cry. FML

#8893190
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31620) - you deserved it (4668)

On 03/07/2010 at 1:54pm - misc - by SadFace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

#8892193
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26332) - you deserved it (3214)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by workinggirl (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

#8891983
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (5339)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

#8890644
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13156) - you deserved it (22594)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20316) - you deserved it (38215)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)



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