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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

#8512491
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11190) - you deserved it (41093)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:16am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

#8510516
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24050) - you deserved it (3935)

On 02/21/2010 at 7:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

#8507501
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22236) - you deserved it (4556)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by weirdo - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

#8507226
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22531) - you deserved it (2875)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by emih (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

#8505761
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4569) - you deserved it (57006)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:41am - misc - by Piano999 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

#8500345
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7780) - you deserved it (35131)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:14am - health - by Braced (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with 8 guys. Just now, after taking 3 trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML

#8493651
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24661) - you deserved it (7933)

On 02/20/2010 at 9:38pm - love - by gullible (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

#8492121
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9747) - you deserved it (27872)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by AwwChute (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

#8490990
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18896) - you deserved it (3735)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by lost_ina_dream (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32274) - you deserved it (3910)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21550) - you deserved it (8832)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

#8480132
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6402) - you deserved it (41086)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by analinguist (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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