FMLs submitted from United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

by Username / 01/08/2011 at 2:01am / United States / Geek

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

by Some Girl / 01/08/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

by poop / 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

by walnutbladder / 01/07/2011 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

by RabbitOwner / 01/07/2011 at 3:22pm / United States / Animals

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

by anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 3:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

by BiteMe14 / 01/07/2011 at 2:10pm / United States / Love

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

by ouchieouch / 01/07/2011 at 1:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

by bunnyyy / 01/07/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 3:03am / United States / Kids