Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59087) - you deserved it (8850)
On 04/08/2009 at 3:19am - love - by DL06 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15749) - you deserved it (56272)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boss informed me that it is now my responsibility to wash the dishes, since my co-workers are consistently too lazy to clean up after themselves. I have a bachelor's degree. Which I earned at the same university I now work at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43512) - you deserved it (5032)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:08am - work - by aeterne (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6448) - you deserved it (78736)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7125) - you deserved it (47026)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47639) - you deserved it (2275)
On 04/07/2009 at 10:53pm - love - by 4gottenmemories (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66140) - you deserved it (179603)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59774) - you deserved it (15454)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm - kids - by ugly (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53474) - you deserved it (18137)
On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a feild sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test infront of all the students and parents. I blew. 06%. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18543) - you deserved it (73717)
On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (80039) - you deserved it (21099)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52345) - you deserved it (6747)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got accepted to the North America Scholar Consortium as a Member of the Highest Honor, which I had applied for a few weeks ago. Happy to be able to add something good to my resume, I called my mom excitedly, and then Googled it to ascertain the level of prestige. Turns out it's a scam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36921) - you deserved it (21026)
On 04/07/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by AlmostScdOtOf68Bucks (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 20 May 2013
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