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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

#13259965
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (2749)

On 09/30/2010 at 2:51am - misc - by strandedguest (woman) - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

#13259314
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25730) - you deserved it (13576)

On 09/30/2010 at 1:31am - love - by stupidgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24030) - you deserved it (4280)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML

#13256903
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7821) - you deserved it (24674)

On 09/29/2010 at 10:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

#13252849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29746) - you deserved it (3146)

On 09/29/2010 at 7:04pm - money - by thankspops - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

#13252455
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26706) - you deserved it (3459)

On 09/29/2010 at 6:47pm - kids - by Mommy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

#13251603
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23561) - you deserved it (3556)

On 09/29/2010 at 5:29pm - health - by bitter cherry - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

#13245431
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32638) - you deserved it (4452)

On 09/29/2010 at 2:33am - work - by csor027 - United States (California)

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

#13241865
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44539) - you deserved it (3195)

On 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

#13241516
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10049) - you deserved it (49048)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

#13241272
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30618) - you deserved it (2452)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML

#13237339
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31700) - you deserved it (3075)

On 09/28/2010 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

#13235832
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42809) - you deserved it (3321)

On 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Jake - United States (Wisconsin)



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