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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

#13304780
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29683) - you deserved it (7859)

On 10/03/2010 at 2:50pm - misc - by Kasnt - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

#13300598
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25050) - you deserved it (3296)

On 10/03/2010 at 5:35am - animals - by andrea99 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

#13298402
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18792) - you deserved it (44028)

On 10/03/2010 at 1:08am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

#13297410
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (2479)

On 10/03/2010 at 12:00am - love - by liz - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

#13295050
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30797) - you deserved it (9182)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

#13293107
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44469) - you deserved it (10032)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

#13292359
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11975) - you deserved it (24209)

On 10/02/2010 at 6:07pm - money - by hunnybaby0319 - United States (New York)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30917) - you deserved it (4236)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

#13290816
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31068) - you deserved it (5015)

On 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm - misc - by harvdog - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

#13287186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39908) - you deserved it (3003)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

#13286743
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22335) - you deserved it (4553)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by lmaoLOSER - United States (New York)

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

#13284441
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44371) - you deserved it (4628)

On 10/02/2010 at 1:07am - kids - by notsoonenufdeparted - United States (California)

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

#13283938
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10615) - you deserved it (39336)

On 10/02/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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