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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (3384)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29179) - you deserved it (4534)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

#8962343
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21468) - you deserved it (6510)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by KJS (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21705) - you deserved it (2933)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

#8956566
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23440) - you deserved it (2671)

On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

#8954955
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31179) - you deserved it (7577)

On 03/09/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by littlemissgullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

#8948216
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37958) - you deserved it (3209)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:13pm - love - by Teeny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

#8948119
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46676) - you deserved it (2466)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

#8944596
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28270) - you deserved it (8982)

On 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm - kids - by lockedoutbabysitter (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

#8943287
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23594) - you deserved it (5658)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:32am - health - by supermanxs1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7283) - you deserved it (35612)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35960) - you deserved it (2385)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

#8939744
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21557) - you deserved it (4125)

On 03/09/2010 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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