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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

#6181842
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33311) - you deserved it (2732)

On 11/06/2009 at 12:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

#6180723
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24024) - you deserved it (2239)

On 11/06/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by kernelkat (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25000) - you deserved it (4793)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

#6177854
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30803) - you deserved it (2186)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by ForgottenKid (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

#6177758
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28958) - you deserved it (2555)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

#6177742
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31759) - you deserved it (6826)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:05am - health - by sadparty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

#6175631
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27415) - you deserved it (16399)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:43pm - work - by supervisor (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

#6172287
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25497) - you deserved it (6775)

On 11/05/2009 at 7:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

#6169952
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56067) - you deserved it (2989)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

#6166961
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30157) - you deserved it (3713)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

#6166874
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37097) - you deserved it (4861)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:20pm - love - by z (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26363) - you deserved it (2355)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

#6165427
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37731) - you deserved it (6282)

On 11/05/2009 at 9:22am - health - by HairyBoobs (woman) - United States (Texas)



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