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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

#7492476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7874) - you deserved it (36657)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:25am - intimacy - by masterzach21 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19355) - you deserved it (2882)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

#7492284
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8669) - you deserved it (19531)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Toldyouso (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

#7490681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23548) - you deserved it (4920)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Parental (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65911) - you deserved it (4247)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

#7486334
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9998) - you deserved it (25514)

On 01/21/2010 at 9:49pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52278) - you deserved it (4148)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

#7477467
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28208) - you deserved it (3062)

On 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm - kids - by nocatlover (man) - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

#7470144
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31836) - you deserved it (7049)

On 01/21/2010 at 5:47am - love - by uuuuugh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

#7469171
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7493) - you deserved it (43357)

On 01/21/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by im_radd (woman) - United States

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

#7467882
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29013) - you deserved it (6058)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:41am - kids - by ilovemom (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

#7467735
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32718) - you deserved it (2572)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

#7467721
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (4283)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:29am - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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