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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

#7252509
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9808) - you deserved it (25289)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:59am - misc - by crappygirlfriend (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

#7251449
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28936) - you deserved it (1742)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:01am - misc - by zenithbelana (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

#7249954
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30332) - you deserved it (2880)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:55am - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

#7249496
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8975) - you deserved it (27029)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:35am - health - by bummed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

#7247927
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27844) - you deserved it (2698)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm - misc - by 1thapp3ns (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

#7244801
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5758) - you deserved it (27407)

On 01/09/2010 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

#7239167
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33718) - you deserved it (6872)

On 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (2984)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

#7234245
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27750) - you deserved it (4646)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:07am - love - by notahomewrecker - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

#7231026
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25908) - you deserved it (6765)

On 01/09/2010 at 3:16am - misc - by Snowin2007 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

#7229680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22631) - you deserved it (5392)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:45am - misc - by warningxxLidell (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

#7229610
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8824) - you deserved it (24752)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pervert (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

#7228897
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9747) - you deserved it (38174)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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