Today, I was babysitting, I had put the kids to bed, and I was in the kitchen raiding the fridge when I hear the front door open. There I am in front of the fridge holding a bottle of wine to get to the whipped cream in the back of the fridge. Now my neighbors think I'm an alcoholic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33658) - you deserved it (6468)
On 04/21/2009 at 12:10am - health - by babyshit - United States
Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10626) - you deserved it (47642)
On 04/20/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by dummy441 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44613) - you deserved it (18356)
On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11431) - you deserved it (102727)
On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39020) - you deserved it (5837)
On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I bought a $1.09 burrito from taco bell with my debit card, unfortunately my overdraft fee was $25. I spent $26.01 on a burrito. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18737) - you deserved it (44179)
On 04/20/2009 at 9:20pm - money - by anon. (woman) - United States
Today, I work for the local fire department. I had a long call and I was hot and sweaty. I decided to skinny dip in my pool because it was still dark out. Everything went great untill my flood light went on and my dad ran out with a bat. I got smacked in the side with a baseball bat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33686) - you deserved it (5352)
On 04/20/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37741) - you deserved it (9634)
On 04/20/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Tor (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59981) - you deserved it (16702)
On 04/20/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64774) - you deserved it (3421)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90935) - you deserved it (5327)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20803) - you deserved it (51741)
On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66088) - you deserved it (5263)
On 04/20/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Monday 17 June 2013
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