FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

by frmitalywithlove / 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 10:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

by snowbunny / 01/10/2011 at 9:03pm / United States / Work

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Connecticut) / Animals

Today, trying to be cute, my boyfriend threw a snowball at me. This would have been fine had it not been hard enough to break my glasses. As a college student, I have to choose between eating for the next two weeks or replacing them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 1:45am / United States / Work

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 10:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 9:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy