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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

#13321505
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27928) - you deserved it (3676)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:57pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10989) - you deserved it (59140)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

#13319257
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10536) - you deserved it (34443)

On 10/04/2010 at 6:11pm - misc - by kat101 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

#13317207
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24631) - you deserved it (50982)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

#13313865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26628) - you deserved it (4167)

On 10/04/2010 at 4:24am - misc - by megmo7 - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

#13313277
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29080) - you deserved it (3474)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:46am - misc - by screwthewilderness (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

#13311710
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57541) - you deserved it (5996)

On 10/04/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

#13310040
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7738) - you deserved it (46450)

On 10/03/2010 at 10:10pm - misc - by 2234 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

#13309990
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11107) - you deserved it (26760)

On 10/03/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by ohshootgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

#13309964
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32956) - you deserved it (5710)

On 10/03/2010 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

#13307467
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (7454)

On 10/03/2010 at 7:29pm - misc - by krt - United States (Florida)

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

#13306628
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11307) - you deserved it (25752)

On 10/03/2010 at 6:24pm - animals - by baconman86 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

#13304809
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (3110)

On 10/03/2010 at 2:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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