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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

#7004520
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20641) - you deserved it (10828)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16643) - you deserved it (2927)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

#7002403
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30359) - you deserved it (2232)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by DOGSNACHER (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

#6999302
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38828) - you deserved it (4475)

On 12/28/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

#6998674
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22638) - you deserved it (4117)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by creeped (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I gave my 7 year old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

#6998138
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (6640)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

#6995956
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25925) - you deserved it (4746)

On 12/28/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by SpaceAstronaut (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML

#6995893
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37321) - you deserved it (2339)

On 12/28/2009 at 4:39pm - money - by Butter_Cup - United States (California)

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

#6994925
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16224) - you deserved it (52123)

On 12/28/2009 at 3:41pm - love - by lovehurts (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

#6991981
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16615) - you deserved it (5077)

On 12/28/2009 at 11:58am - intimacy - by disapointed girl - United States (New York)

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

#6990979
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26466) - you deserved it (3587)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:14am - work - by kawaiixalice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

#6990469
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27430) - you deserved it (6390)

On 12/28/2009 at 9:00am - love - by For (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86833) - you deserved it (4962)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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