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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

#13286743
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22212) - you deserved it (4539)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by lmaoLOSER - United States (New York)

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

#13284441
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44368) - you deserved it (4628)

On 10/02/2010 at 1:07am - kids - by notsoonenufdeparted - United States (California)

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

#13283938
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10612) - you deserved it (39336)

On 10/02/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she is still in love with the guy she cheated on me with. She admitted that she would be willing to do anything with him if he wanted to. And, "He's a better kisser too." FML

#13283884
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34211) - you deserved it (5028)

On 10/02/2010 at 12:22am - love - by laterchoice (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to sit on the ground next to my crush at our college's free concert. Just as I took the final step toward him, somone ran into me causing me to trip and kick him in the crotch. He had to go to the emergency room. FML

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

#13281486
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25028) - you deserved it (3200)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (44693)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

#13276180
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25452) - you deserved it (2848)

On 10/01/2010 at 12:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

#13275274
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12441) - you deserved it (34949)

On 10/01/2010 at 10:32am - misc - by northernlass - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

#13274666
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30688) - you deserved it (5819)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:06am - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

#13274240
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27807) - you deserved it (11519)

On 10/01/2010 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

#13274017
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30964) - you deserved it (4658)

On 10/01/2010 at 7:07am - intimacy - by canispankthat - United States (California)



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