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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

#7336646
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21346) - you deserved it (4784)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by Nosexytime - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12389) - you deserved it (29304)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

#7336532
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30022) - you deserved it (4384)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:45am - kids - by hair2daygone4ever (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

#7336289
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5138) - you deserved it (39931)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:14am - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
79 comments

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

#7332045
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6568) - you deserved it (57126)

On 01/14/2010 at 12:33am - misc - by mackenzie_cain (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

#7331579
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7866) - you deserved it (38718)

On 01/14/2010 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (4065)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

#7327213
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7576) - you deserved it (36991)

On 01/13/2010 at 9:04pm - misc - by nekkiddrunk - United States

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

#7325738
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19753) - you deserved it (2868)

On 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by cantgetitupcantgetiton (woman) - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

#7324506
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22299) - you deserved it (3179)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by Eli (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

#7324438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30632) - you deserved it (1847)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

#7321652
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4991) - you deserved it (75012)

On 01/13/2010 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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