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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

#6660258
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11411) - you deserved it (21655)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:53am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

#6659884
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11044) - you deserved it (29083)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:26am - animals - by damncat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

#6658784
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32074) - you deserved it (1978)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

#6658638
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9458) - you deserved it (35686)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:09am - love - by CheLi (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19551) - you deserved it (4954)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

#6655081
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8236) - you deserved it (34801)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by Alison (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

#6652646
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28827) - you deserved it (8179)

On 12/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Postdotfuzz (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6621) - you deserved it (30816)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

#6651992
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23343) - you deserved it (5150)

On 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

#6650793
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30475) - you deserved it (4194)

On 12/07/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by Dejected (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

#6650131
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41211) - you deserved it (4505)

On 12/07/2009 at 1:20pm - love - by WoofWoof (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

#6649711
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26090) - you deserved it (3896)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by ditzen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

#6649432
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31227) - you deserved it (2984)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by mylifesuckssomuch3214 (man) - United States (Florida)



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