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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

#7570908
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24338) - you deserved it (2200)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm - kids - by joshua (man) - United States (California)

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

#7570028
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26281) - you deserved it (2408)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by ptwm (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

#7568710
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7741) - you deserved it (28065)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

#7568614
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6961) - you deserved it (30365)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:13pm - misc - by kodijack (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

#7568071
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5585) - you deserved it (28888)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:21pm - misc - by lala (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

#7566820
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34644) - you deserved it (2908)

On 01/25/2010 at 10:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

#7565931
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11647) - you deserved it (34006)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - love - by CivE (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

#7564709
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29146) - you deserved it (5518)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by irishbabycakes (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

#7563904
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (4388)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

#7563782
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15389) - you deserved it (3985)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Krissy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11146) - you deserved it (20587)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

#7560718
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23785) - you deserved it (6519)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:33am - love - by Phoenix0614 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

#7560337
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4961) - you deserved it (31157)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:19am - misc - by Username - United States



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