FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

by I piss upon thee / 05/13/2016 at 2:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

by edgyasfuck23 / 05/13/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

by forever_young / 05/13/2016 at 9:03am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

by Beefy Man / 05/13/2016 at 3:33am / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from my home, so that I could study for my upcoming finals. When I got home, I realized I that had left my binder all the way there, containing my notes, classwork, homework, finals notes, etc. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2016 at 11:46pm / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

by Erbtosis / 05/12/2016 at 10:40pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

by Phycheledic / 05/12/2016 at 6:22am / United States / Kids

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

by Joseflloyd / 05/12/2016 at 12:52am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

by I write sins not other people's essays / 05/11/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

by SoulStormIV / 05/11/2016 at 11:03pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

by superb12345 / 05/11/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous