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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34239) - you deserved it (2603)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33878) - you deserved it (2286)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43002) - you deserved it (2738)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27265) - you deserved it (6163)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46101) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

#21351356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (10198)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

#21351283
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31316) - you deserved it (2077)

On 02/07/2015 at 12:13am - animals - by juliette (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

#21351174
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40174) - you deserved it (2537)

On 02/06/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by depressedskatergirl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

#21351119
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26645) - you deserved it (4185)

On 02/06/2015 at 7:57pm - misc - by go fuck myself - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (2092)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

#21350938
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27940) - you deserved it (2534)

On 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm - misc - by valarmorgoolies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

#21350906
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31941) - you deserved it (2063)

On 02/06/2015 at 12:32pm - health - by alostr1 - United States



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