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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37341) - you deserved it (2314)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma because my parents will be away this weekend. She forgot who I was, threw an iron at me, then kicked me out of her house. FML

#21307656
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32372) - you deserved it (2024)

On 11/28/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

#21307526
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28894) - you deserved it (11864)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:07pm - kids - by Ruinedchristmas (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28222) - you deserved it (2767)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34839) - you deserved it (3025)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33739) - you deserved it (3192)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30602) - you deserved it (6075)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30556) - you deserved it (2423)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

#21306486
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26759) - you deserved it (6645)

On 11/26/2014 at 10:33pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mother requested that I return the $500 she had previously given me to help me pay for college. Her reasoning? "You work three jobs, you can afford it." I work three jobs because she decided buying herself a car was more important than my schooling. FML

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

#21306295
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26634) - you deserved it (2746)

On 11/26/2014 at 4:01pm - misc - by UsuallyaUnicornbread (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33814) - you deserved it (5336)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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