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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

#21334376
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42897) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/10/2015 at 8:45am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

#21334215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26110) - you deserved it (1907)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (8011)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

#21334002
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (3764)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (3041)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

#21333885
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (4194)

On 01/09/2015 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

#21333809
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33212) - you deserved it (2158)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:43am - love - by swimfaned - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (6090)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (3672)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

#21333682
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (2163)

On 01/08/2015 at 11:40pm - work - by notahero (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

#21333389
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29875) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/08/2015 at 4:26pm - love - by loser - United States (Florida)



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