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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

#21353256
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35845) - you deserved it (4346)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:59am - love - by krh14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28003) - you deserved it (4983)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

#21353037
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/09/2015 at 10:15pm - work - by EMTGirl'sLife - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

#21353006
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28653) - you deserved it (2625)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:32pm - misc - by LunaCrow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25652) - you deserved it (4855)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (2782)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

#21352626
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33637) - you deserved it (3483)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:32am - intimacy - by myself - United States

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

#21352523
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36733) - you deserved it (2070)

On 02/09/2015 at 1:23am - health - by wellalrightythen - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

#21352465
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34302) - you deserved it (2688)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

#21352213
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (1902)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34243) - you deserved it (2603)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33887) - you deserved it (2286)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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