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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

#21518334
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (2450)

On 01/22/2016 at 8:56pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

#21518238
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20453) - you deserved it (3169)

On 01/22/2016 at 4:28pm - love - by OhNo - United States (California)

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

#21518208
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20805) - you deserved it (1368)

On 01/22/2016 at 2:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

#21518195
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15773) - you deserved it (5093)

On 01/22/2016 at 2:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, one of my professors left a cabinet door open whilst teaching class. The compulsion to get up and close it was so strong that I could barely concentrate on what was being taught. FML

Today, the company I work for lost 3-weeks worth of time sheets, so we have to fill them all out again. I don't remember what I did yesterday, let alone three weeks ago. That's why I religiously fill out the time sheets in the first place. FML

#21518159
39 comments

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

#21517950
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21582) - you deserved it (1407)

On 01/21/2016 at 8:55pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

#21517916
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20822) - you deserved it (2414)

On 01/21/2016 at 7:02pm - work - by AkiAnime - United States (California)

Today, I absentmindedly smiled and told my grandfather to "have fun" before closing the door behind him. He was leaving to go to his chemotherapy session for lung cancer. FML

Today, two teen girls got into a shouting match at the table next to mine at the food court. Sensing a fight brewing, I got up to leave. I stood up just in time for one of the girls to throw her tray, which missed her target and hit me in the head. FML

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

#21517709
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21290) - you deserved it (1547)

On 01/21/2016 at 8:08am - misc - by ur_life_dus_suck - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML



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