Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

#21402034
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (3074)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25918) - you deserved it (3735)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33783) - you deserved it (4516)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

#21401688
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25898) - you deserved it (2490)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:49am - work - by Goatczar - United States (Utah)

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

#21401631
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/29/2015 at 7:11am - love - by xxlenalunaxx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

#21401449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27694) - you deserved it (2363)

On 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm - animals - by simple living - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

#21401411
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30902) - you deserved it (4539)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:36pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

#21401319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (1969)

On 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm - health - by full bladder - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#21401116
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you deserved it (2849)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by PPP - United States

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

#21401112
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27202) - you deserved it (2657)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:00am - love - by koalaburr - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36221) - you deserved it (2624)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

#21400557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31340) - you deserved it (6198)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: