FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

by buggyluv / 06/30/2016 at 11:50am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 10:14am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

by ThirdWheelHell / 06/30/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

by anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

by ByeByeBirdie / 06/29/2016 at 6:41pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

by Miss_Blaine / 06/29/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

by please don't get the succ / 06/29/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

by insert pussy pun, hurr durr / 06/29/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 10:42am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 8:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

by why me / 06/29/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML