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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

#21402394
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23990) - you deserved it (5941)

On 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

#21402099
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31657) - you deserved it (5422)

On 04/29/2015 at 11:31pm - love - by Confusedblonde - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31097) - you deserved it (9700)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

#21402034
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27546) - you deserved it (3076)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25917) - you deserved it (3735)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33787) - you deserved it (4517)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

#21401688
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25898) - you deserved it (2491)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:49am - work - by Goatczar - United States (Utah)

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

#21401631
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (3579)

On 04/29/2015 at 7:11am - love - by xxlenalunaxx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

#21401449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27695) - you deserved it (2364)

On 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm - animals - by simple living - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

#21401411
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30901) - you deserved it (4538)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:36pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

#21401319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25682) - you deserved it (1971)

On 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm - health - by full bladder - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#21401116
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29266) - you deserved it (2850)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by PPP - United States



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