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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17454) - you deserved it (2135)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

#21345001
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (2335)

On 01/27/2015 at 9:02am - love - by Nat3_2020 - United States

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

#21344889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10756) - you deserved it (19495)

On 01/27/2015 at 12:43am - misc - by katrina2d (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

#21344752
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18711) - you deserved it (2908)

On 01/26/2015 at 8:47pm - love - by sleeping on the floor - United States (Connecticut)

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

#21344749
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19523) - you deserved it (1448)

On 01/26/2015 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

#21344707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18460) - you deserved it (1586)

On 01/26/2015 at 7:19pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

#21344628
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18293) - you deserved it (1893)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:19pm - misc - by Yellow an (man) - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

#21344550
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21113) - you deserved it (9508)

On 01/26/2015 at 2:17pm - misc - by boogery - United States

Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

#21344188
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19758) - you deserved it (2878)

On 01/25/2015 at 8:41pm - work - by WhyMe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML

#21343820
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24565) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/25/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

#21343763
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (1669)

On 01/25/2015 at 12:01am - misc - by Earplugged (man) - United States (Washington)



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