FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my soon-to-be ex-wife decided she'll be moving into my apartment complex. She always goes out of her way to pick fights with me every chance she gets, has alienated my children from me and has made what should be a very simple divorce into a ridiculously long and contentious one. FML

by stillnotdivorced / 08/26/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my new supervisor arrived after my old one had transferred away and we had a quick evaluation meeting. As it turns out, I'm not actually a good employee like I thought. I just had a shitty boss who didn't care enough to let me know I wasn't meeting company standards. FML

by UnderAcheiver / 08/26/2016 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

by ThankfullyNotKickedOut / 08/26/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

by raquelcita / 08/26/2016 at 2:05am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

by anon... / 08/26/2016 at 12:10am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

by cullenthegreat / 08/25/2016 at 12:26pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

by Caqtusmonkey / 08/25/2016 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 11:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my orchestra teacher out and played with a double quartet for a faculty meeting. When it came time to introduce us, he called out the names of the seven other students and then admitted in front of everyone that he'd forgotten my name. I've been one of his top students for 3 years. FML

by theinfiniteend / 08/24/2016 at 7:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

by MrLonelyHertz / 08/24/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous