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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

#21221426
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (2648)

On 07/26/2014 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

#21221361
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28261) - you deserved it (4798)

On 07/26/2014 at 6:09pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35230) - you deserved it (5106)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

#21221083
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39072) - you deserved it (3974)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

#21221072
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38150) - you deserved it (3574)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

#21220823
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33247) - you deserved it (3223)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:55am - misc - by birthday girl - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

#21220657
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33380) - you deserved it (4095)

On 07/25/2014 at 10:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40445) - you deserved it (3446)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40836) - you deserved it (3207)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34502) - you deserved it (6107)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

#21219527
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45302) - you deserved it (4411)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by stupid older sister (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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