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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16183) - you deserved it (1397)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15873) - you deserved it (1485)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

#21522878
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19012) - you deserved it (1484)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

#21522828
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17189) - you deserved it (4081)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

#21522776
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (3235)

On 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by doodlecrzyMeg (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19334) - you deserved it (1443)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

#21522719
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19329) - you deserved it (1331)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:53am - intimacy - by concernedsis - United States (Georgia)

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

#21522710
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19730) - you deserved it (2544)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:13am - work - by LL (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

#21522623
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18540) - you deserved it (1521)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm - health - by FueledByFate - United States (Arizona)

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

#21522618
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19097) - you deserved it (1668)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:47pm - misc - by InDebt (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21068) - you deserved it (1999)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

#21522430
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24163) - you deserved it (3888)

On 02/03/2016 at 1:14pm - work - by Upset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

#21522398
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24218) - you deserved it (3457)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:40am - intimacy - by :x (man) - United States (Virginia)



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