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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

#21433097
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20663) - you deserved it (1778)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:06am - love - by Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24789) - you deserved it (1676)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22767) - you deserved it (3019)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

#21432849
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26200) - you deserved it (2072)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm - love - by isaidfuckoff (woman) - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

#21432817
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20718) - you deserved it (2201)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

#21432771
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22995) - you deserved it (2822)

On 06/27/2015 at 11:01am - misc - by anonynous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents heard about the decision to make same-sex marriage legal in all states. They're so outraged that they're even talking about getting a house in Canada. They're in for a surprise. FML

#21432698
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25858) - you deserved it (2088)

On 06/27/2015 at 5:38am - misc - by MovingtoCanada (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

#21432636
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21768) - you deserved it (1505)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:48am - work - by *cough* *cough* you're a dickface (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28208) - you deserved it (2021)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

#21432491
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23365) - you deserved it (2442)

On 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by tycrist8 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

#21432440
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (1456)

On 06/26/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

#21432396
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23784) - you deserved it (2354)

On 06/26/2015 at 4:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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