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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

#21523593
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1121) - you deserved it (76)

On 02/07/2016 at 2:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

#21523579
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1412) - you deserved it (76)

On 02/07/2016 at 1:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

#21523419
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10430) - you deserved it (1754)

On 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by notagoodtime - United States (California)

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

#21523317
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10076) - you deserved it (847)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:56am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

#21523276
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12417) - you deserved it (969)

On 02/06/2016 at 1:28am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

#21523219
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14821) - you deserved it (1120)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:24pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13679) - you deserved it (1333)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14745) - you deserved it (1416)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15243) - you deserved it (1987)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14762) - you deserved it (1335)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13137) - you deserved it (3653)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14854) - you deserved it (1255)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14811) - you deserved it (1371)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)



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