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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

#21462817
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12917) - you deserved it (815)

On 08/31/2015 at 12:50am - work - by bgierczak2 - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

#21462782
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11358) - you deserved it (742)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eminnis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

#21462597
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11650) - you deserved it (928)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:44pm - animals - by anon - United States

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

#21462582
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11954) - you deserved it (857)

On 08/30/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Waterer - United States (California)

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

#21462545
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20979) - you deserved it (1550)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

#21462507
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15580) - you deserved it (2129)

On 08/30/2015 at 9:29am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

#21462491
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21259) - you deserved it (2272)

On 08/30/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

#21462428
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16213) - you deserved it (1275)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:20am - work - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

#21462394
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15386) - you deserved it (1210)

On 08/30/2015 at 12:49am - misc - by Failed Artist - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

#21462353
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15769) - you deserved it (979)

On 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by bornfromhillbillies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19458) - you deserved it (1612)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18867) - you deserved it (1315)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16299) - you deserved it (1554)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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