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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24605) - you deserved it (1540)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23158) - you deserved it (2142)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22073) - you deserved it (1949)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22425) - you deserved it (3455)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

#21318762
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23968) - you deserved it (1784)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24795) - you deserved it (4789)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (5294)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

#21318538
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21322) - you deserved it (2110)

On 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24213) - you deserved it (1750)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23280) - you deserved it (2518)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you deserved it (3013)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25433) - you deserved it (2134)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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