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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

#21284454
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4043) - you deserved it (1553)

On 10/24/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

#21284412
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6007) - you deserved it (438)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

#21284180
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15995) - you deserved it (7590)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Yeah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17446) - you deserved it (2845)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

#21284017
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16813) - you deserved it (2191)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm - misc - by pyrogypsy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20455) - you deserved it (1857)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

#21283844
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24712) - you deserved it (1886)

On 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Alexismaria - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24003) - you deserved it (2796)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

#21283737
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you deserved it (1763)

On 10/23/2014 at 11:56am - misc - by mnote (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

#21283544
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27557) - you deserved it (7225)

On 10/23/2014 at 12:04am - love - by Rachel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

#21283210
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26310) - you deserved it (3882)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:55pm - misc - by Not so much of a teachers pet - United States

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11953) - you deserved it (26977)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26353) - you deserved it (5224)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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