FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

by pierced / 05/01/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 1:19pm / United States / Holidays

Today, my friends and I decided we'd do that thing where we put our phones in a pile in a restaurant so that we actually stay off them for once and socialize with one another. It went pretty well until a stranger was able to grab most of them and sprint out the door with them. FML

by Damn I Wish I Had My Phone Out So That I Could Record That / 05/01/2016 at 1:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

by Mrmz07 / 05/01/2016 at 5:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

by Ted, E. Vic / 05/01/2016 at 1:39am / United States / Money

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 12:56am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 12:36am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

by Fox_Undercover / 04/30/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

by Wyomingwannbe / 04/30/2016 at 7:25am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, while examining my busted nose in the mirror, I had a sneeze attack. Now it looks like someone got their throat slashed in my bathroom. FML

by jack the ripped / 04/30/2016 at 12:38am / United States / Health

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

by longing for emancipation / 04/29/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I almost got fired for not following my boss on Twitter and Instagram. FML

by NickySimpson / 04/29/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.