FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

by BiteMe / 08/30/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

by Peter Parker / 08/30/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out that my college textbooks, which I spent nearly $200 dollars on for the two of them, did not come with the codes they were advertised with. The codes are needed for online classwork that is required to pass the course. Each new code is $90 a piece. FML

by Ih8Amazon / 08/30/2016 at 4:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

by kafreen / 08/30/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML

by anon / 08/30/2016 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

by lkvetched / 08/30/2016 at 1:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I heard from multiple people that my girlfriend called me a dumbass because I apparently sent her "Good Morning" twice. We aren't even three full days into the relationship. FML

by J / 08/30/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML

by QuietGirlSucks / 08/30/2016 at 11:51am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

by spaghett / 08/29/2016 at 4:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

by KayIsKiwi99 / 08/29/2016 at 3:00pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

by meglast / 08/29/2016 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

by left alone / 08/29/2016 at 8:46am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

by shrek / 08/29/2016 at 6:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Love