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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML

#21223478
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12396) - you deserved it (810)

On 07/29/2014 at 4:27am - misc - by Tiny (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

#21223358
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19108) - you deserved it (2454)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by rejected - United States (California)

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

#21222740
133 comments

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22363) - you deserved it (2153)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

#21222536
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24575) - you deserved it (2522)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm - misc - by tlm84 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

#21222525
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (1434)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

#21222459
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26807) - you deserved it (2305)

On 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by why - United States

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32750) - you deserved it (3215)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39019) - you deserved it (4385)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (2004)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

#21221737
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27854) - you deserved it (3596)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:51am - kids - by ... (woman) - United States (California)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

#21221426
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34308) - you deserved it (2517)

On 07/26/2014 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

#21221361
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (4542)

On 07/26/2014 at 6:09pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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