Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (773) - you totally deserved it (3887)
On 11/20/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by hopefulanonymous - United States (Maryland)
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1522) - you totally deserved it (4451)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5668) - you totally deserved it (867)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (229) - you totally deserved it (490)
On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1652) - you totally deserved it (6524)
On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6467) - you totally deserved it (801)
On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8859) - you totally deserved it (1647)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1291) - you totally deserved it (9164)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8012) - you totally deserved it (2478)
On 11/19/2009 at 4:14pm - kids - by mizzy (woman) - United States
Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7311) - you totally deserved it (2075)
On 11/19/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by Sam_Licker81 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9085) - you totally deserved it (1875)
On 11/19/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11413) - you totally deserved it (1214)
On 11/19/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by maxus - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11058) - you totally deserved it (2090)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)
