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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

#19655540 (24)

I agree, your life sucks (124) - you deserved it (157)

On 05/21/2012 at 1:28am - work - by HomelessGirl1 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML

#19654364 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (950) - you deserved it (144)

On 05/20/2012 at 10:29pm - health - by thejbarrick50 - United States (New York)

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

#19653798 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (1066) - you deserved it (83)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

#19653342 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (897) - you deserved it (154)

On 05/20/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by VocalizedBoar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

#19652325 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (2365) - you deserved it (168)

On 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

#19652024 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (2542) - you deserved it (271)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:20pm - misc - by Jacquelinez (woman) - United States

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (5327) - you deserved it (2180)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

#19650903 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (3632) - you deserved it (1387)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:13am - misc - by shygirl - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (2861) - you deserved it (308)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

#19649940 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (3554) - you deserved it (320)

On 05/20/2012 at 1:19am - misc - by slayerdeath - United States (Indiana)

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

#19649582 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (1206) - you deserved it (3525)

On 05/20/2012 at 12:06am - health - by Ouch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

#19648090 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (5101) - you deserved it (345)

On 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

#19646260 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (3958) - you deserved it (415)

On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)



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