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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent : shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3607) - you deserved it (371)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6581) - you deserved it (480)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16548) - you deserved it (1447)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

#21413424
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18143) - you deserved it (3252)

On 05/21/2015 at 6:48am - work - by pgmonster - United States (California)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

#21413299
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20259) - you deserved it (1304)

On 05/20/2015 at 10:49pm - work - by stilljobless (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

#21413204
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15805) - you deserved it (6858)

On 05/20/2015 at 7:21pm - misc - by BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

#21413064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19378) - you deserved it (1239)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:40pm - work - by kmctl - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML

#21413063
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20712) - you deserved it (2005)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:35pm - misc - by Paws_Cat - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

#21412921
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21503) - you deserved it (9950)

On 05/20/2015 at 8:03am - work - by boss_daughter - United States

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21796) - you deserved it (3404)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

#21412612
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (1384)

On 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26058) - you deserved it (2742)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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