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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found my first grey pube. At my age, this seems like a normal thing for a man to find, but I found mine in my Big Mac. FML

#21242064
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3606) - you deserved it (260)

On 08/20/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by James_Briggs - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on the steering wheel at a red light, causing the horn to go on full blast. FML

#21241945
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2811) - you deserved it (340)

On 08/20/2014 at 8:07pm - misc - by Shawnee_dear - United States

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

#21241796
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12600) - you deserved it (901)

On 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by sonofaneuroticwench (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics. thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10377) - you deserved it (20974)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25463) - you deserved it (3371)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

#21241406
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38227) - you deserved it (2495)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:15am - health - by BagelTheOtaku (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML

#21241178
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (6360)

On 08/19/2014 at 7:37pm - love - by lent - United States (Idaho)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

#21241143
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29951) - you deserved it (4251)

On 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by Xbieblette51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28758) - you deserved it (3963)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32288) - you deserved it (11291)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

#21240784
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29567) - you deserved it (6227)

On 08/19/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by morgie96 - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

#21240726
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31126) - you deserved it (2368)

On 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm - work - by sorrynotsorry (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML



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