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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14744) - you deserved it (3849)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18555) - you deserved it (5875)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15947) - you deserved it (4645)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

#7231970
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8501) - you deserved it (26905)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:14am - work - by Harry (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

#7207594
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23431) - you deserved it (5248)

On 01/07/2010 at 10:30pm - love - by DDubs (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (3154)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

#7197887
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5821) - you deserved it (22383)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:36am - misc - by Boob (woman) - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

#7183146
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30497) - you deserved it (2247)

On 01/06/2010 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

#7181113
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8116) - you deserved it (43843)

On 01/06/2010 at 1:12pm - kids - by pinky (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

#7178930
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30229) - you deserved it (1771)

On 01/06/2010 at 8:42am - work - by Snowzies (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

#7167765
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22318) - you deserved it (1863)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm - money - by Arsinoe (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

#7160237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35626) - you deserved it (3440)

On 01/05/2010 at 5:45am - love - by Chewy (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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