FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 8:38am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

by chloeguest97 / 09/20/2011 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

by Authentik8 / 09/16/2011 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

by anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:18pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Health

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

by sweatstreaks / 09/16/2011 at 5:38am / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

by squeak / 09/12/2011 at 9:52am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

by facepalm / 09/12/2011 at 4:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

by MTJY / 09/12/2011 at 12:53am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2011 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Kids

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

by Kevin / 09/09/2011 at 8:10am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

by psychicmother / 09/09/2011 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

by D / 09/09/2011 at 5:59am / United Kingdom / Animals