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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12767) - you deserved it (39937)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

#16173982
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38418) - you deserved it (4844)

On 05/14/2011 at 4:09pm - misc - by simonjudy (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

#16169290
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62856) - you deserved it (4787)

On 05/14/2011 at 9:17am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

#16129508
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48717) - you deserved it (16607)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

#16115344
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15542) - you deserved it (44551)

On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

#16104533
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33851) - you deserved it (7133)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:15pm - misc - by moron - United Kingdom

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

#16092299
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11501) - you deserved it (33749)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14389) - you deserved it (59225)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

#16068567
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29054) - you deserved it (8887)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

#16067039
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36268) - you deserved it (3503)

On 05/06/2011 at 11:47am - misc - by eewww (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

#16055177
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39400) - you deserved it (7556)

On 05/05/2011 at 10:40am - love - by sad (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my garage was flooded. Everything was ruined. My garage also happens to be my study, in which my entire art coursework was drying. My exam is tomorrow and all I have to hand in is a pile of mushy paper. FML

#16042714
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33374) - you deserved it (3535)

On 05/04/2011 at 9:47am - work - by lottielondon (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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