FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

by rusrs / 03/29/2012 at 10:16pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

by 3hoursleftofwork / 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Animals

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health

Today, I started a new blog that I've been planning for weeks. So far, the only comments I've received are a dozen spam links, two people correcting my grammar, and a lady telling me I'm going to burn in hell for calling the Pope a noob. FML

by SHK519 / 03/24/2012 at 9:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

by Confused / 03/23/2012 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

by futuremum / 03/22/2012 at 1:14pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

by tellingthetruth / 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Intimacy

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 9:25am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

by Laura / 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2012 at 7:57am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Animals

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

by waitwhat / 03/18/2012 at 4:46pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous